Recently, a wife left her church; not before giving her pastor and the leadership staff a hard time and an earful. Her husband didn’t agree with her and felt like she was 100% wrong. However, he tagged along with her, when she withdrew her membership. His reasoning? “I just want to keep the peace.” First of all there was no peace in his house to keep or maintain. His wife was angry and raging, mostly because he didn’t support her wrong doings. And this would not be the end of her tirade. Next week, it would be something else.
God has positioned the husband to lead the family, but in this instance we find the husband following his disgruntled wife with aspirations of false peace.
Often in counseling, we hear a spouse render, “I just want to keep the peace”, when handling difficult circumstances. And more times than not, they are not in a peaceful situation. So it’s really not about “keeping” the peace or even a simulated peace. It’s really a position of surrender. Couples, sometimes, get to the place where they stop fighting for their marriages. The enemy wants to defile relationships. And his purpose is to wear out the saints. Unfortunately, we acquiesce. We tire of the fight and so we get to the place where we just go with the flow.
The Bible does not advocate keeping the peace. Jesus said, I came not to bring peace but a sword [Matthew 10:34]. The Bible doesn’t say blessed are the peacekeepers. It says blessed are the peacemakers [Matthew 5:9]. There is a difference. There are times when you have to make war in order to make peace. We are challenged to live and promote righteous living through a relationship with the Prince of Peace. When we follow Him, we will have true peace.
We are not to accept just any and every behavior from our spouse for peace’s sake. We are helpers one of another. And that help doesn’t always come neatly packaged. Sometimes we must upset the norm to promote the Gospel of Peace, challenging our spouses for Christ’s sake. We must care more for their souls than for our own comfort.
In Acts 5:1-11, Sapphira agreed with her husband to sin against God. The scripture says, with his wife’s full knowledge he kept part of the money for himself. Why did Sapphira go along with his evil scheme? Perhaps she thought he was right or maybe she just didn’t want to argue. Maybe she thought, it was easier to just go along with it. She may have secured temporary peace but death was her punishment.
On the other hand, Abigail, a woman of understanding, did not agree with her sinful husband. She stood for righteous against her husband’s wishes and she was honored for it [I Samuel 25].
You can stand for peace or against it. We stand against peace when we concede to unrighteousness. We stand for peace by disrupting that which is unrighteous and ungodly. What side of peace will you stand?
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Listen Up!
Standing in line at a grocery store, there were two ladies in front of me. Now these ladies were of different cultures and obviously spoke 2 different languages. The first lady saw that the other had only a few items and extended an invitation for her to step in front of her.
Lady # 1: “Do you want to go in front of me?”
Lady #2: “Yes."
Eventhough, lady # 2 said, "Yes", she didn’t move. I noticed that woman #2 continued to answer yes, every time lady #1 repeated her offer. But she didn’t understand what the other lady was trying to do. Her answer was yes, but her actions were something else.
This scenario continued several times. Finally the exasperated woman proceeded to the checkout without allowing the second lady to go forward. Lady #2 missed her blessing.
This was a classic case of communication breakdown. She didn’t understand, but yet she answered. How many times in marriage has this scenario played out? For various reasons, one spouse says something and the other answers without ever clearly understanding what is being asked.
Sometimes, this can happen because we don’t tune into what is being said or we simply ignore the request. It is important that we take the time to listen, not only with our ears, but with our hearts. Communication involves more than just hearing. We should pay close attention to one another. There is an art to hearing what is not being said.
In this age of technology and multi-tasking, we must also work on minimizing distractions in order to hear and understand. Too often one spouse is texting, on the computer or watching television while the other is pleading to be heard. The distracted spouse needs to stop whatever he/she is doing and “really” hear his/her spouse.
The Bible tells us that in all our getting, we are to get an understanding (Proverbs 4:7b). We cannot move forward as a couple unless we strive to understand each other. Husbands are encouraged to dwell with their wives according to knowledge (I Peter 3:7). However it takes paying close attention to really know your wife. A spouse may be annoyed and frustrated by the reaction of the other. Effective communication requires that we practice patience and become great listeners.
Whatever the case couples must seek to be on the same page in every arena of their marriage and work on those areas that need it most. Miscommunication can hinder us from moving toward oneness. Let us seek to understand. It just requires that you tune in and listen up. There may be a blessing in it for you.
Lady # 1: “Do you want to go in front of me?”
Lady #2: “Yes."
Eventhough, lady # 2 said, "Yes", she didn’t move. I noticed that woman #2 continued to answer yes, every time lady #1 repeated her offer. But she didn’t understand what the other lady was trying to do. Her answer was yes, but her actions were something else.
This scenario continued several times. Finally the exasperated woman proceeded to the checkout without allowing the second lady to go forward. Lady #2 missed her blessing.
This was a classic case of communication breakdown. She didn’t understand, but yet she answered. How many times in marriage has this scenario played out? For various reasons, one spouse says something and the other answers without ever clearly understanding what is being asked.
Sometimes, this can happen because we don’t tune into what is being said or we simply ignore the request. It is important that we take the time to listen, not only with our ears, but with our hearts. Communication involves more than just hearing. We should pay close attention to one another. There is an art to hearing what is not being said.
In this age of technology and multi-tasking, we must also work on minimizing distractions in order to hear and understand. Too often one spouse is texting, on the computer or watching television while the other is pleading to be heard. The distracted spouse needs to stop whatever he/she is doing and “really” hear his/her spouse.
The Bible tells us that in all our getting, we are to get an understanding (Proverbs 4:7b). We cannot move forward as a couple unless we strive to understand each other. Husbands are encouraged to dwell with their wives according to knowledge (I Peter 3:7). However it takes paying close attention to really know your wife. A spouse may be annoyed and frustrated by the reaction of the other. Effective communication requires that we practice patience and become great listeners.
Whatever the case couples must seek to be on the same page in every arena of their marriage and work on those areas that need it most. Miscommunication can hinder us from moving toward oneness. Let us seek to understand. It just requires that you tune in and listen up. There may be a blessing in it for you.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Marriage Isn’t Easy
We are on Facebook pretty often. We see it as a tool for our ministry. So we usually spend our time answering messages in our inbox or responding to questions from our latest teleconference. We are always interested in anything that has to do with marriage. So we also post tips to help strengthen marriages. We took notice of one particular young woman who was posting statuses about how wonderful her husband is. She always had something positive about marriage. She also recently started a marriage ministry. So of course, she would get extra “likes” from us. The problem is when we asked her about marriage ministry, she confessed that her marriage was in trouble and that she was in a difficult place. In fact, her relationship had never been on firm footing. Our response was let us help. She refused. But she continues the facade.
Particularly most people live successful married lives on Facebook. Their profile pictures are lovey-dovey. The comments and stats are positive and encouraging. They get to paint the world or image they want others to see. The problem is - it’s not real. If we were to judge the success of marriages just based on Facebook, the numbers would not match the disparaging real-life statistics.
In the cyber world, marriage looks easy. Post all stats about where you went on your last date. Only post favorable pics of the two of you holding hands, cuddling or some other envy provoking pose. Say sweet things on each other’s page. And that’s it – you’ve just built a successful marriage.
Unfortunately marriage involves so much more: bills, childrearing, handling conflict, in-law issues, health challenges, a neglected spouse, hurt feelings, money challenges, division of chores, etc. The list goes on.
It is helpful to no one to live behind the mask. It doesn’t help the spouses to live a fabricated life. They live beneath their spiritual privilege. They are hurt and wounded and often have no hope for a better relationship. It also doesn’t help those peering in. The fantasy creator causes others to be discouraged when this fairytale marriage finally breaks down. If you are going to live a happy cyber life, why not work to let that spill over into your reality? Jesus came that we might live a life of abundance in every arena. We really don’t have to fake it. However, it will take work. You will have to roll up your sleeves. Put in the work of prayer, denying the flesh, and chasing the devil out of your relationship. You can really live it. It doesn’t have to be make-believe. A genuine marriage ministers to others. People want the real thing, not a replica.
Particularly most people live successful married lives on Facebook. Their profile pictures are lovey-dovey. The comments and stats are positive and encouraging. They get to paint the world or image they want others to see. The problem is - it’s not real. If we were to judge the success of marriages just based on Facebook, the numbers would not match the disparaging real-life statistics.
In the cyber world, marriage looks easy. Post all stats about where you went on your last date. Only post favorable pics of the two of you holding hands, cuddling or some other envy provoking pose. Say sweet things on each other’s page. And that’s it – you’ve just built a successful marriage.
Unfortunately marriage involves so much more: bills, childrearing, handling conflict, in-law issues, health challenges, a neglected spouse, hurt feelings, money challenges, division of chores, etc. The list goes on.
It is helpful to no one to live behind the mask. It doesn’t help the spouses to live a fabricated life. They live beneath their spiritual privilege. They are hurt and wounded and often have no hope for a better relationship. It also doesn’t help those peering in. The fantasy creator causes others to be discouraged when this fairytale marriage finally breaks down. If you are going to live a happy cyber life, why not work to let that spill over into your reality? Jesus came that we might live a life of abundance in every arena. We really don’t have to fake it. However, it will take work. You will have to roll up your sleeves. Put in the work of prayer, denying the flesh, and chasing the devil out of your relationship. You can really live it. It doesn’t have to be make-believe. A genuine marriage ministers to others. People want the real thing, not a replica.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Married to a Mama’s Boy
One of the most popular issues we see in counseling is women who suspect that they are married to mama’s boys. We live in a society when most boys aren’t clear about their masculinity; mainly because of the father’s wound. And they grow up without making that detachment from their mothers. Because of absent and distant fathers, we have created a generation of men who have become mama’s boys. A mama’s boy comes in different forms and fashions, but generally they have the same basic characteristics. A man is not a mama’s boy simply because he loves and honors his mother. There are defining traits. And they are negative. Here are just a few signs of a mama’s boy:
• He will have an unhealthy loyalty to his mother over that of his wife.
• He wants daily contact or nearly daily contact with his mom either via phone or in person.
• He always sides with his mom over his wife and children, if he has them.
• He has trouble making decisions without his mom, and might expect the wife to baby him.
• He may have financial ties to his mom, which keeps him on a short leash with her.
• If the couple argues or fights, the husband runs to his mama.
• He displays signs of immaturity and irresponsibility
• He does not confront his mother-in-law when she mistreats his wife or says unkind things to her.
Okay, so now that you've established that you are definitely, undeniably married to a mama's boy. Or if you are male, maybe you see patterns in yourself that you want to break. There is hope for either of you. The first course of action for the husband is acknowledgment. Realize that things may have gotten out of hand. Most times, this is not your fault. Circumstances and environment work together to produce a mama’s boy.
A child raised with an overprotective and over attached mother, not having a father in the home (deceased, divorced, etc). Or a father who is present, but absent emotionally. These conditions will cause a young boy to latch on to his mother.
The Bible says, For this cause shall a man leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife. (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7). It is challenging to the marriage relationship when the cleaving happens without the leaving.
A man who finds himself in this position needs to seek God’s help. He should begin to carefully break this tie with his mom and create a new relationship with her. He should start by having a talk with his mom. Let her know that you love and respect her but God is challenging you to another level in your manhood; and your relationship must change. She will have a difficult time hearing this. However, he needs to shift the relationship, anyway. Call her less often. Do not allow her to just pop over without an invitation. Do not side with her over your wife. In fact, you will need to confront her when she provokes your wife. It won’t be easy. But it will be necessary. Cut the purse strings. Borrowing or receiving money from her creates invisible power holds. Reallocate your time. Give more time to your wife than to your mom.
To the wife: your husband will have to do this himself. A wife cannot force this. The prayerful wife is a wise one. In fact, this is your first course of action. She should pray for her husband’s boldness and courage. Pray for his sensitivity to the spirit. Do not make him feel bad about being a mama’s boy. Most likely he doesn’t like it, but may feel powerless over her. Applaud him when he takes those bold stands. You will make it easier for him to continue.
You should not blurt out your feelings to your husband or your mother-in-law in anger. The Bible says to follow peace with all men (this includes your mother-in- law). This means holding your tongue from time to time when the line gets crossed.
Don't nag your husband about spending more time with you or choosing you over his mother. Set your limits in a kind manner, never in anger. It may be rocky during this time, but remain firm and kind.
Be cordial and respectful to the mother of the man you married. If you go head-to-head with his mother, you will not win. This is not your battle. It is his. Just support him as he takes a stand.
If you find that you're resentful pray and ask God to keep your heart. When you married him, he was a mama’s boy. It will take time for this ungodly soul tie to be broken. Seek wisdom from a mentor or spiritual leader.
Men can grow out of this stage of their life, if they choose too. It takes a wise woman to help him see it through. It will be ultimately up to him to set the limits on his mom and get free from the unhealthy influence she has in his life.
• He will have an unhealthy loyalty to his mother over that of his wife.
• He wants daily contact or nearly daily contact with his mom either via phone or in person.
• He always sides with his mom over his wife and children, if he has them.
• He has trouble making decisions without his mom, and might expect the wife to baby him.
• He may have financial ties to his mom, which keeps him on a short leash with her.
• If the couple argues or fights, the husband runs to his mama.
• He displays signs of immaturity and irresponsibility
• He does not confront his mother-in-law when she mistreats his wife or says unkind things to her.
Okay, so now that you've established that you are definitely, undeniably married to a mama's boy. Or if you are male, maybe you see patterns in yourself that you want to break. There is hope for either of you. The first course of action for the husband is acknowledgment. Realize that things may have gotten out of hand. Most times, this is not your fault. Circumstances and environment work together to produce a mama’s boy.
A child raised with an overprotective and over attached mother, not having a father in the home (deceased, divorced, etc). Or a father who is present, but absent emotionally. These conditions will cause a young boy to latch on to his mother.
The Bible says, For this cause shall a man leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife. (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7). It is challenging to the marriage relationship when the cleaving happens without the leaving.
A man who finds himself in this position needs to seek God’s help. He should begin to carefully break this tie with his mom and create a new relationship with her. He should start by having a talk with his mom. Let her know that you love and respect her but God is challenging you to another level in your manhood; and your relationship must change. She will have a difficult time hearing this. However, he needs to shift the relationship, anyway. Call her less often. Do not allow her to just pop over without an invitation. Do not side with her over your wife. In fact, you will need to confront her when she provokes your wife. It won’t be easy. But it will be necessary. Cut the purse strings. Borrowing or receiving money from her creates invisible power holds. Reallocate your time. Give more time to your wife than to your mom.
To the wife: your husband will have to do this himself. A wife cannot force this. The prayerful wife is a wise one. In fact, this is your first course of action. She should pray for her husband’s boldness and courage. Pray for his sensitivity to the spirit. Do not make him feel bad about being a mama’s boy. Most likely he doesn’t like it, but may feel powerless over her. Applaud him when he takes those bold stands. You will make it easier for him to continue.
You should not blurt out your feelings to your husband or your mother-in-law in anger. The Bible says to follow peace with all men (this includes your mother-in- law). This means holding your tongue from time to time when the line gets crossed.
Don't nag your husband about spending more time with you or choosing you over his mother. Set your limits in a kind manner, never in anger. It may be rocky during this time, but remain firm and kind.
Be cordial and respectful to the mother of the man you married. If you go head-to-head with his mother, you will not win. This is not your battle. It is his. Just support him as he takes a stand.
If you find that you're resentful pray and ask God to keep your heart. When you married him, he was a mama’s boy. It will take time for this ungodly soul tie to be broken. Seek wisdom from a mentor or spiritual leader.
Men can grow out of this stage of their life, if they choose too. It takes a wise woman to help him see it through. It will be ultimately up to him to set the limits on his mom and get free from the unhealthy influence she has in his life.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Controlling Husbands
The danger of a controlling husband is that most do not see themselves as controlling. Control comes in different forms. We knew a guy who basically did what he wanted at the expense of the marriage. He told his wife he was going to do things that he never got around to doing. He would just sit around and do nothing. In his mind, he was controlling the situation because he got what he wanted. His passive-aggressive behavior was his way of controlling his wife. All control isn’t done with this type of behavior; sometimes the husband can be overbearing or very demanding. Either way, it is still control. God encourages us to lovingly lead our wives as Christ lovingly leads the church. His headship is done by love; it is the greatest form of leading.
As men of God, we need to be aware of the controlling behavior that might still be lingering in our mindsets. This controlling behavior stems from a man’s low self worth. This is directly connected to his personal relationship with the Lord. As we seek the Lord, he is able to validate us and restore our image. This will cause us to feel better about ourselves and others.
The will of God is that we allow our wives to become what God created them to be, and not limit them or hold them hostage because of our own frailties. Godly men celebrate their wives and encourage them to become great women of God. She should feel free to be all that Christ has called her to be. Eph 5:25 Love your wife like Christ love the church. You will be the better for it.
Signs you may be controlling:
Answer these questions for yourself and then ask someone else (that will be honest with you) to answer them for you.
1. Do you frequently fail at keeping your word to your spouse?
2. Do you have resentment towards your wife’s requests?
3. Do you call your wife 4 times or more per day to check on her?
4. Do you complain about being underappreciated or cheated?
5. Do you feel jealousy concerning your spouse?
6. Do you often falsely accuse her of being with someone else?
7. Do you find yourself in competition with your wife?
8. Do you blame others for your situations?
9. Is your behavior unpredictable?
10. Do you belittle your wife, damaging her with your words?
11. Do you feel uncontrollable rage towards your family at times?
12. Do you have a history of violent behavior in your family?
13. Do you play on your spouse’s guilt (If you loved me, you’d…)
14. Do you often ask for a second chance to behave better?
All of these are signs that control may be an issue for you. Go to the Lord about this. Repent of operating in this place of sin. Ask your wife to forgive you. Petition God to heal you. Invite other men to hold you accountable so that you don’t continue to fall into old habits. It is also advisable to seek counseling to break spiritual strongholds and generational curses.
As men of God, we need to be aware of the controlling behavior that might still be lingering in our mindsets. This controlling behavior stems from a man’s low self worth. This is directly connected to his personal relationship with the Lord. As we seek the Lord, he is able to validate us and restore our image. This will cause us to feel better about ourselves and others.
The will of God is that we allow our wives to become what God created them to be, and not limit them or hold them hostage because of our own frailties. Godly men celebrate their wives and encourage them to become great women of God. She should feel free to be all that Christ has called her to be. Eph 5:25 Love your wife like Christ love the church. You will be the better for it.
Signs you may be controlling:
Answer these questions for yourself and then ask someone else (that will be honest with you) to answer them for you.
1. Do you frequently fail at keeping your word to your spouse?
2. Do you have resentment towards your wife’s requests?
3. Do you call your wife 4 times or more per day to check on her?
4. Do you complain about being underappreciated or cheated?
5. Do you feel jealousy concerning your spouse?
6. Do you often falsely accuse her of being with someone else?
7. Do you find yourself in competition with your wife?
8. Do you blame others for your situations?
9. Is your behavior unpredictable?
10. Do you belittle your wife, damaging her with your words?
11. Do you feel uncontrollable rage towards your family at times?
12. Do you have a history of violent behavior in your family?
13. Do you play on your spouse’s guilt (If you loved me, you’d…)
14. Do you often ask for a second chance to behave better?
All of these are signs that control may be an issue for you. Go to the Lord about this. Repent of operating in this place of sin. Ask your wife to forgive you. Petition God to heal you. Invite other men to hold you accountable so that you don’t continue to fall into old habits. It is also advisable to seek counseling to break spiritual strongholds and generational curses.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Whining Wives
Many wives have the same complaint, “He isn’t as romantic as he was when we first dated”. As women, we tend to romanticize marriage to our advantage. We look at romance as something we ought to receive. But romance is better when it’s both given and received.
We sashay into marriage dreaming of preparing elaborate meals for our intended. We have visions of running his bath water, keeping his home tidy, baring his children and just being the all around perfect wife. Unfortunately, after the “I Do”, those same dreams morph into nightmares. The very things that we couldn’t wait to do, we now complain about doing. “Make your own plate!” a wife yells. “Pick up your socks!” another demands. What happened? What caused that bright-eyed bride to change into a whining wife?
Much of it happens as real life settles in. When we realize that our prince has smelly feet and can leave other unkind aromas lingering in our palaces, we can kind of give up on the vision. He doesn’t pick up after himself. He isn’t as agreeable as he was in the dating phase. There are mounds of bills. We thought things would be so different. And so we concentrate on all that’s not right with the marriage. Things would be better if… We fall into a pit of complaint. And we stay there; sometimes for years. It’s time we appreciated God for the wonderful husbands that he put in our lives. It’s time we looked at what is right with the marriage. Does he love God? Does he love you and his children? Does he work hard to take care of his family? If so, you should praise God and praise your husband.
Stop living a life of comparison with others. Stop fantasizing about what could be. The reality is that marriage is a mixture of work, laughter, work, adventure, work, cooperation, work and romance. And both husband and wife have to pour into the relationship to make it fulfilling.
Wives yearn for our husbands to romance us. But when is the last time we romanced him? No, he doesn’t want flowers or chocolates. But he would love to be romanced by you. Think about the time when you were a bright-eyed bride. Let your imagination flow. How can you romance your husband?
Run his bathwater.
Make his plate.
Give him a massage.
Encourage him.
Put love notes in his lunch.
Go a whole week without criticizing, fussing or complaining.
Do something special for your in-laws.
Let others hear you praising him.
Get yourself dolled up just for him.
Turn on the sports channel with his favorite snacks and cuddle next to him.
Listen to him without interrupting or correcting him.
Wash his feet.
C’mon Ladies, what else can you think of?
Make his plate.
Give him a massage.
Encourage him.
Put love notes in his lunch.
Go a whole week without criticizing, fussing or complaining.
Do something special for your in-laws.
Let others hear you praising him.
Get yourself dolled up just for him.
Turn on the sports channel with his favorite snacks and cuddle next to him.
Listen to him without interrupting or correcting him.
Wash his feet.
C’mon Ladies, what else can you think of?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Is Your Jesus Showing?
We were standing in line waiting to board our flight. This lady behind us starts yelling at her husband because he had misplaced his boarding pass. She told him to go back to retrieve it. He was obviously embarrassed. She made the scene no less humiliating. She continued to make degrading remarks. We tried to calm her down suggesting that they just speak with a gate agent. That was pointless. She continued to rant as he scurried away in search of his boarding pass. She then proceeded to board the plane even though he had not yet returned. A few minutes later, he rushed down the breezeway with boarding pass in his hand. She continued to demean him. Other passengers looked away in pity for her husband and in appall at his wife.
How do you get to such a place of disrespect and disgust in your marriage? Did she ever love and respect him? Did she ever admire and honor him? It was hard to tell. We couldn’t imagine that this woman had a relationship with the Lord with such a reproachful public display.
…But maybe she did. Far too often, Christians act in ways that do not glorify our God. Yet we expect others to embrace Him. Countless stories have been told of couples arguing at a restaurant, fighting in the street, displaying animosity at church, cursing each other fiercely, clothes tossed on the front lawn, tires slashed, windows broken out, and the list goes on. And yet, we sing praises to his name.
His word is to us, first. How can we witness; but with our lives. We cannot wear Christ to church and shed Him in “real life”. We must always be God conscious. Wives are expected to respect their husbands. Husbands are commanded to love their wives. Obedience to God’s word is not optional for His children. It’s our meat. In doing so, we are an example to those that don’t know the Lord. Our lives must point to Christ. We can’t forget who we are or who we represent when we are faced with a relationship challenge.
The Bible tells us that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal weapons. We cannot act in the flesh and think that we are pleasing to God (Romans 8:8). The carnal mind is in direct opposition to God. We must walk in the Spirit. This requires dying to self daily. We must decrease and allow Christ to increase in us. We must continually ask ourselves “Is Jesus visible? Can others see Him in me?” If I am truly His child, what should my response be? The world is watching. God is watching. How will you live?
How do you get to such a place of disrespect and disgust in your marriage? Did she ever love and respect him? Did she ever admire and honor him? It was hard to tell. We couldn’t imagine that this woman had a relationship with the Lord with such a reproachful public display.
…But maybe she did. Far too often, Christians act in ways that do not glorify our God. Yet we expect others to embrace Him. Countless stories have been told of couples arguing at a restaurant, fighting in the street, displaying animosity at church, cursing each other fiercely, clothes tossed on the front lawn, tires slashed, windows broken out, and the list goes on. And yet, we sing praises to his name.
And God’s heart is broken.
His word is to us, first. How can we witness; but with our lives. We cannot wear Christ to church and shed Him in “real life”. We must always be God conscious. Wives are expected to respect their husbands. Husbands are commanded to love their wives. Obedience to God’s word is not optional for His children. It’s our meat. In doing so, we are an example to those that don’t know the Lord. Our lives must point to Christ. We can’t forget who we are or who we represent when we are faced with a relationship challenge.
The Bible tells us that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal weapons. We cannot act in the flesh and think that we are pleasing to God (Romans 8:8). The carnal mind is in direct opposition to God. We must walk in the Spirit. This requires dying to self daily. We must decrease and allow Christ to increase in us. We must continually ask ourselves “Is Jesus visible? Can others see Him in me?” If I am truly His child, what should my response be? The world is watching. God is watching. How will you live?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thinking About Sex
Our society is saturated with sexual images and innuendos. So you can hardly escape 24 hours where there is not some image or reference made to illicit sexual relationships (homosexuality, adultery, fornication, masturbation, pornography or any other perversion). Our culture glorifies it, plays it down, or laughs at it, to make it more comfortable and acceptable; and slip it into our consciousness.
So as believers, we step into marriage not really knowing what is acceptable. Most young couples drag whatever sexual hang-ups they had pre “I Do” right into the marriage. Many couples were involved in fornication before they were married, not fully understanding that lust is a spirit. Saying, “I Do” doesn’t deliver one from lust. Lust transforms from fornication; it is revealed as a porn addiction, flirtation, voyeurism or even adultery.
God intended sex to be a beautiful symphony of two becoming one in their thoughts, emotions, and physical bodies. This intimacy evokes a godly soul tie between husband and wife. He wants couples to fully enjoy one another. We can see the beauty of sex demonstrated in the Song of Solomon.
So what should a couple do?
• Couples should take time to repent of their premarital sins to God and to one another. Be honest about ungodly thoughts and images during your time of physical intimacy. Seek deliverance from lust and sexual addictions.
• Ask God to purify your sexual relationship. Be committed to it. Keep your thoughts on one another. Do not watch “X” or “R” rated movies (for sexual content).
• Couples usually avoid sex talk. But it is vital for a healthy relationship. Talk about your fears and struggles with each other. Also talk about what you enjoy.
• Invite God into your bedroom. It is really a good thing to pray before sex. Ask God to bless your time of intimacy. (Remember sex was God’s idea). You may find yourself more relaxed and free to enjoy your spouse.
Below is a list of sexual behaviors that do not glorify God in your relationship:
Adultery (Deuteronomy 5:18, Proverbs 6:32, Hebrews 13:4)
Bestiality (Leviticus 20:15-16)
Frigidity (I Corinthians 7:2-5)
Homosexuality (Leviticus 20:13, Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26-27)
Pornography (Matt 5:27-28, Romans 1:32)
Prolonged abstinence (I Corinthians 7:5)
Rape (Deuteronomy 22:25-28)
Sodomy (I Corinthians 6:9)
Swinging (I Corinthians 7:2,4)
Voyeurism (Matt 5:27-28, Romans 1:32)
This list is not exhaustive. However it can help guide couples in their sexual union.
So as believers, we step into marriage not really knowing what is acceptable. Most young couples drag whatever sexual hang-ups they had pre “I Do” right into the marriage. Many couples were involved in fornication before they were married, not fully understanding that lust is a spirit. Saying, “I Do” doesn’t deliver one from lust. Lust transforms from fornication; it is revealed as a porn addiction, flirtation, voyeurism or even adultery.
God intended sex to be a beautiful symphony of two becoming one in their thoughts, emotions, and physical bodies. This intimacy evokes a godly soul tie between husband and wife. He wants couples to fully enjoy one another. We can see the beauty of sex demonstrated in the Song of Solomon.
So what should a couple do?
• Couples should take time to repent of their premarital sins to God and to one another. Be honest about ungodly thoughts and images during your time of physical intimacy. Seek deliverance from lust and sexual addictions.
• Ask God to purify your sexual relationship. Be committed to it. Keep your thoughts on one another. Do not watch “X” or “R” rated movies (for sexual content).
• Couples usually avoid sex talk. But it is vital for a healthy relationship. Talk about your fears and struggles with each other. Also talk about what you enjoy.
• Invite God into your bedroom. It is really a good thing to pray before sex. Ask God to bless your time of intimacy. (Remember sex was God’s idea). You may find yourself more relaxed and free to enjoy your spouse.
Below is a list of sexual behaviors that do not glorify God in your relationship:
Adultery (Deuteronomy 5:18, Proverbs 6:32, Hebrews 13:4)
Bestiality (Leviticus 20:15-16)
Frigidity (I Corinthians 7:2-5)
Homosexuality (Leviticus 20:13, Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26-27)
Pornography (Matt 5:27-28, Romans 1:32)
Prolonged abstinence (I Corinthians 7:5)
Rape (Deuteronomy 22:25-28)
Sodomy (I Corinthians 6:9)
Swinging (I Corinthians 7:2,4)
Voyeurism (Matt 5:27-28, Romans 1:32)
This list is not exhaustive. However it can help guide couples in their sexual union.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Married and Loving It!
We usually dress alike when we minister together. Also there are times when wear the matching t-shirts or sweatshirts. As we recently travelled back and forth from the midwest, we wore our Married and Loving It! sweatshirts. Boy did we cause a stir. Most people think we are newlyweds. One gentleman asked this question, ''How did she get you to wear that?"
Most people do see marriage as something that must be endured, but Christ came that we might enjoy one another. Becoming one in marriage is a journey. In the process, we learn to become teammates, working together for a common good. Our sweatshirts are a symbol of what has happened in our hearts; two hearts becoming one. We work as one sharing all things. We listen to each other. We are very interested in each other's world. We will do whatever is in the best interest of the relationship. We wear our shirts because we love each other and choose to let the world know marriage can be exciting. Every time we “give of ourselves” to each other we are living out our purpose for marriage. No one has to force us to wear the shirts. We wear them because we want others to have what we have. We really are married and loving it!
Most people do see marriage as something that must be endured, but Christ came that we might enjoy one another. Becoming one in marriage is a journey. In the process, we learn to become teammates, working together for a common good. Our sweatshirts are a symbol of what has happened in our hearts; two hearts becoming one. We work as one sharing all things. We listen to each other. We are very interested in each other's world. We will do whatever is in the best interest of the relationship. We wear our shirts because we love each other and choose to let the world know marriage can be exciting. Every time we “give of ourselves” to each other we are living out our purpose for marriage. No one has to force us to wear the shirts. We wear them because we want others to have what we have. We really are married and loving it!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Getting the In-laws Out
We had a situation with a family member interfering in the relationship of her newly married children. In our opinion, she didn’t realize that she was interfering. She just thought that was the way it should be. She continued to “mother” her marrieds in the same way that she had done with her singles. And it was frustrating to the new son-in-law. The most difficult part was she saw them as children and not as twenty-something adults.
Parents sometime hit a comfortable patch in parenting and park it there. Parenthood must adjust. We should not parent a 6 year old in the same way we parent a 16 year old. As children grow, so should our parenting styles. Our whole job is to prepare them to be independent from us and dependent on the Lord. This has become more problematic as mothers and fathers have a tough time releasing their children into adulthood. Not only is there a need for an adjustment with our adult children but there is an additional adjustment with our married children. The married couple needs to be free to develop their marriage union without outside interference.
So how do you get parents to stop interfering? Adult married children must take the initiative in helping parents let go. The Bible puts the responsibility on the husband, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife. Sometimes, its just a simple conversation to make the parent aware that he/she has overstepped the boundaries. Other times, the couple will have to draw clearer, more definite lines. Nevertheless “the leaving” is the responsibility of the married couple. It’s tough, but necessary in order to have a thriving, healthy relationship.
Parents should help their children with that transition by respecting boundaries. Often, parents feel such a sense of loss, that they are unwilling to do it. If we, as parents put ourselves in the shoes of our married children, we would be much more sensitive and understanding to what is most beneficial for our children’s relationship. Marriage is hard enough. But when you have in-laws emotionally attached to it, its that more difficult.
Parents sometime hit a comfortable patch in parenting and park it there. Parenthood must adjust. We should not parent a 6 year old in the same way we parent a 16 year old. As children grow, so should our parenting styles. Our whole job is to prepare them to be independent from us and dependent on the Lord. This has become more problematic as mothers and fathers have a tough time releasing their children into adulthood. Not only is there a need for an adjustment with our adult children but there is an additional adjustment with our married children. The married couple needs to be free to develop their marriage union without outside interference.
So how do you get parents to stop interfering? Adult married children must take the initiative in helping parents let go. The Bible puts the responsibility on the husband, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife. Sometimes, its just a simple conversation to make the parent aware that he/she has overstepped the boundaries. Other times, the couple will have to draw clearer, more definite lines. Nevertheless “the leaving” is the responsibility of the married couple. It’s tough, but necessary in order to have a thriving, healthy relationship.
Parents should help their children with that transition by respecting boundaries. Often, parents feel such a sense of loss, that they are unwilling to do it. If we, as parents put ourselves in the shoes of our married children, we would be much more sensitive and understanding to what is most beneficial for our children’s relationship. Marriage is hard enough. But when you have in-laws emotionally attached to it, its that more difficult.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Balancing Your Facebook
Time is a very limited resource for young couples these days. And with increasing demands on that time, it continues to dwindle. So what about couples who spend countless hours on the internet: surfing the web, Tweeting, or keeping up with their hundreds of Facebook friends? Where do they find the time?
Most times, they don’t. They steal hours from other precious activities to squander on the internet. Facebook and other social networks are high in popularity and becoming more of an issue in marriages. Social media networks (when used improperly) can pose a deadly threat to any marriage.
Not only are they time-consuming, but they also have the capabilities to attract old lovers and introduce new ones. So what is really healthy for married couples when using a social media network? In and of itself, a social media network is a wonderful tool. It’s a way to stay connected with friends and family. It’s a great public relations tool. And a way to gather useful information. Only when its misused does it cause problems.
We have compiled some rules for a healthy marriage:
Spend all that extra time getting to know your spouse. Dust off your date night and start building memories with the one you pledged your life to. Always, always do what is in the best interest of the marriage.
Most times, they don’t. They steal hours from other precious activities to squander on the internet. Facebook and other social networks are high in popularity and becoming more of an issue in marriages. Social media networks (when used improperly) can pose a deadly threat to any marriage.
Not only are they time-consuming, but they also have the capabilities to attract old lovers and introduce new ones. So what is really healthy for married couples when using a social media network? In and of itself, a social media network is a wonderful tool. It’s a way to stay connected with friends and family. It’s a great public relations tool. And a way to gather useful information. Only when its misused does it cause problems.
We have compiled some rules for a healthy marriage:
- Number 1 is Accountability: Share your password with your spouse. It is unhealthy for couples not to be completely open and honest with one another. It is ungodly to have secret relationships.
- Number 2 is Avoid chatrooms, porn sites, and dating sites.
- Number 3 Agree with your spouse the amount of total time that you will spend on the internet. Do not exceed that amount. Honor God and your spouse by being a good steward of your time. Don’t allow your time on the internet to surpass the amount of time you spend in prayer and study of the Word.
- Number 4 Don’t accept a friend request that makes your spouse feel uncomfortable. When you took your vows, you agreed to forsake all others and cleave to your spouse. So be considerate of his/her feelings. You don’t need any relationship in your life that will bring contention to your union. It’s not that serious.
- Number 5 What happens in your house, should stay in your house. Before social networks, we kept our business, our business. Why do people now feel comfortable posting their private business in their statuses for the entire social media community to see? Talk directly to your spouse. Don’t fight in public.
Spend all that extra time getting to know your spouse. Dust off your date night and start building memories with the one you pledged your life to. Always, always do what is in the best interest of the marriage.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Upgrade Your Date
Tonight is our date night. And we were trying to think of something to do. We often result to the familiar, especially when we're tired. Many couples either do not keep up with their date night or like us, they get stuck in a rut. The most common ruts are going to dinner and/or the movies. Or staying in and renting a movie. It’s time to break out of the monotony. Do something different. Try something you’ve never done before; something exciting and adventurous. It will bless your relationship.
We are planning something very interesting for tonight. Hope that you are too.
Here are some ideas to help you get started:
Plan a candlelight bath
Go to a carnival or amusement park (no kids in tow)
Plan an indoor picnic
Fly a kite
Go cart racing
Adult Game Night (make it interesting)
Go rock climbing
Go canoeing or paddle boating
Take dance lessons
Go bike riding
Fly out of town for the weekend
Go to an ethnic restaurant (that you never tried before)
Ride a motorcycle
Give each other a massage (with oils, candles, and music)
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Grown Apart
We received a text message on our cell phones. It read: The Gores are divorcing after 40 years of marriage. We had many questions: How do you give up a 40 year investment? How do you unravel two lives intertwined over 4 decades?
Think about all the silly quirks that you have come accustomed to and all the habits that comfort. These are things that we generally take for granted. The hum of her slight snoring is the rhythm that rocks him to sleep. Waking up to the smell of fresh brewed coffee. The way she remembers birthdays and anniversaries. His comforting arms in the midst of bad news. The efficient way she handles family business. The way he opens the blinds early in the morning to let the sun in. The way she folds the towels. His corny jokes. Her laughter as it fills the room. His side of the bed. The smell of her perfume. And then all of sudden…no more.
And why? The former Vice-President and his wife said they have “grown apart.” They use this euphemism to make it all seem as if its no big deal. This decision is “mutual.” Nothing earth-shattering. It’s just life.
On the contrary, divorce is devastating. There will be many casualties in the aftermath. God calls it treacherous. (Malachi2:15-16) It is an abomination. If we are realistic, we know that it is a big deal when someone cashes in 40 years. It’s not as “innocent” as portrayed. The wounds are deep.
The Gores contend that no one cheated. But they were both cheated. Somewhere along the line, they stopped cherishing each other. Other interests grabbed first place in their affections. They didn’t properly invest in the most important relationship in their lives. As a result, loyalty was lost. Unfaithfulness settled in. It is defined as being untrue to one’s commitment. It starts in the heart.
They say the decision was made carefully and with much consideration. We wonder why they didn’t choose to work on growing together? Reconnect. Get counseling. Work it out for better or for worse. After all the children, grandchildren, and all else that has resulted from this union, wouldn’t it be worth it?
What was supposed to be “unto death do us part” has become “until we’ve grown apart.” And many will follow in their footsteps. It’s sad.
We are just glad that God doesn’t divorce us when we grow apart from Him. He stands with His arms outstretched beckoning us back home. We love you, Lord.
Think about all the silly quirks that you have come accustomed to and all the habits that comfort. These are things that we generally take for granted. The hum of her slight snoring is the rhythm that rocks him to sleep. Waking up to the smell of fresh brewed coffee. The way she remembers birthdays and anniversaries. His comforting arms in the midst of bad news. The efficient way she handles family business. The way he opens the blinds early in the morning to let the sun in. The way she folds the towels. His corny jokes. Her laughter as it fills the room. His side of the bed. The smell of her perfume. And then all of sudden…no more.
It’s over.
And why? The former Vice-President and his wife said they have “grown apart.” They use this euphemism to make it all seem as if its no big deal. This decision is “mutual.” Nothing earth-shattering. It’s just life.
On the contrary, divorce is devastating. There will be many casualties in the aftermath. God calls it treacherous. (Malachi2:15-16) It is an abomination. If we are realistic, we know that it is a big deal when someone cashes in 40 years. It’s not as “innocent” as portrayed. The wounds are deep.
The Gores contend that no one cheated. But they were both cheated. Somewhere along the line, they stopped cherishing each other. Other interests grabbed first place in their affections. They didn’t properly invest in the most important relationship in their lives. As a result, loyalty was lost. Unfaithfulness settled in. It is defined as being untrue to one’s commitment. It starts in the heart.
They say the decision was made carefully and with much consideration. We wonder why they didn’t choose to work on growing together? Reconnect. Get counseling. Work it out for better or for worse. After all the children, grandchildren, and all else that has resulted from this union, wouldn’t it be worth it?
What was supposed to be “unto death do us part” has become “until we’ve grown apart.” And many will follow in their footsteps. It’s sad.
We pray for the entire Gore family and all who this break-up affects.
We are just glad that God doesn’t divorce us when we grow apart from Him. He stands with His arms outstretched beckoning us back home. We love you, Lord.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Don't Say It
"We can just get a divorce!" Many couples lash out these words at each other at the slightest offense. What a powerful declaration! We open our mouths and hearts to accept the thing that God says that He hates (Malachi 2:16). We release these words into our relationships, into our homes. For believers, it grieves the heart of God.
My husband and I were talking about how powerful words are. We underestimate them at times. And we speak in haste and out of emotion. Sometimes, we speak without thinking. The Word of God tells us that life and death are in the power of our tongues. We possess such amazing power to change our lives and destinies, through our words. The Lord clearly warns us to be slow to speak. We must handle words very carefully, because they are spirit.
In fact, the word "divorce" means dividing the power. God has empowered a married couple as a dynamic team that can put 10,000 evil spirits to flight. And satan has devised a scheme to halt it. He causes us to use our greatest weapon against ourselves - our tongues. Divorce causes us to lose some of our power. So why would we want to fling this word around so flippantly?
My husband and I have made a pledge to not allow the spirit of divorce in our marriage. We refuse to threaten each other with it, no matter how angry we get. And that has changed the whole dynamic of our relationship. It has increased our commitment and our love walk.
I heard a preacher say that in some rural parts of Botswana, Africa, there is NO divorce, because they don't have a word for it. That is so powerful. Since there is no word for it, it doesn't exist. It can't be called forth to destroy families.
Let us eliminate the word "divorce" as an option or a threat. Decide that it won't exist among your family. Agree together, that you won't speak it in your marriage. Your commitment will increase and your ability to problem solve will be greater, and your love life will evolve. True love is patient and longsuffering. It is not selfish or unkind. It is unconditional. It is a forever love. It never ever fails. (I Corinthians 13).
When you are upset or in the heat of emotion, choose new life-giving words. Be angry and sin not. In other words, don't say it!
My husband and I were talking about how powerful words are. We underestimate them at times. And we speak in haste and out of emotion. Sometimes, we speak without thinking. The Word of God tells us that life and death are in the power of our tongues. We possess such amazing power to change our lives and destinies, through our words. The Lord clearly warns us to be slow to speak. We must handle words very carefully, because they are spirit.
In fact, the word "divorce" means dividing the power. God has empowered a married couple as a dynamic team that can put 10,000 evil spirits to flight. And satan has devised a scheme to halt it. He causes us to use our greatest weapon against ourselves - our tongues. Divorce causes us to lose some of our power. So why would we want to fling this word around so flippantly?
My husband and I have made a pledge to not allow the spirit of divorce in our marriage. We refuse to threaten each other with it, no matter how angry we get. And that has changed the whole dynamic of our relationship. It has increased our commitment and our love walk.
I heard a preacher say that in some rural parts of Botswana, Africa, there is NO divorce, because they don't have a word for it. That is so powerful. Since there is no word for it, it doesn't exist. It can't be called forth to destroy families.
Let us eliminate the word "divorce" as an option or a threat. Decide that it won't exist among your family. Agree together, that you won't speak it in your marriage. Your commitment will increase and your ability to problem solve will be greater, and your love life will evolve. True love is patient and longsuffering. It is not selfish or unkind. It is unconditional. It is a forever love. It never ever fails. (I Corinthians 13).
When you are upset or in the heat of emotion, choose new life-giving words. Be angry and sin not. In other words, don't say it!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Keep Your Marriage Alive
My wife and I were sitting at a restaurant eating when I observed a middle-aged gentleman walk to his car. I noticed he didn’t drive off. He sat there for a moment. A few minutes later, a woman walked out on a cane. She appeared to be his wife. She went to the same car. It took her a while to get to the car because she was walking very slowly. I watched the husband who seemed to have no interest in assisting his wife. She struggled to get into the car alone. He never even opened the door for her. I wondered about his attitude. Why would he leave his wife to fend for herself like that? It saddened me.
Unfortunately, that is the state of marriages all over this country. We have such a casual attitude toward holy matrimony. There is no reverence for the sanctified covenant that God initiated. We got all excited over the “event” of marriage. But somehow we’ve lost our fervor for the journey. We take one another for granted; exchanging harsh words and glaring looks. There is no spouse loyalty. We say whatever we want to and about our spouse. Our respect for each other has diminished over a period of time. And most often, that time has been quite abrupt. It seems that the most that we can hope for is a platonic semi-friendly relationship.
This is certainly not God’s will. He expected that we would delight in the marriage relationship. He instructed us to live joyfully with the wife of our youth. Marriage is to be a celebration of intimacy and friendship. So how do we keep the fire alive and make sure that we don’t become that couple?
It takes work to have a successful marriage. You get out of it what you put in.
- Speak life-giving words to each other every single day. (Hebrews 3:13)
- Pray for our spouses daily and add ourselves to that list. (I Thess 5:17)
- Say, I love you, and mean it. (Ephesians 5:25)
- Consider our spouse before ourselves. (Philippians 2:4)
- Don’t let the sun go down on our anger. Talk it through (Ephesians 4:26)
- Forgive. (Matthew 18:21,22)
- Maintain a date night every week (Proverbs 5:18)
- Study the Word together (II Timothy 2:15)
It takes work to have a successful marriage. You get out of it what you put in.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Second Time Around
We went to the movies the other day, for our date night. It was quite interesting because the movie we chose to see was on marriage. However the plot of the movie seemed to be promoting divorce. And not just in this movie, but others like it. Whenever someone divorces his/her spouse, they remarry someone better looking and better acting. It's always better the second time around. We need to realize it's just a movie. Statistics prove that second marriages have a higher divorce rate than 1st marriages. And the rate continues to sky rocket with each subsequent marriage.
The thing that alarmed us the most is that Hollywood preaches to its audience and we take its theology to heart as if its the gospel. (And we all know Hollywood is no authority on marriage). Too many times, we have heard people quote a line from a movie or repeat a scene as if that's the way we ought to conduct our lives. The message from Hollywood's pulpit is in direct opposition to the Word of God. God is married to His bride come what may. He never divorces her for a better model. In fact, He promises never to leave her or forsake her. His bride has not merited this unconditional commitment. She gains it because of His love for her. She has hurt him, hated him and wounded him. She has even played the harlot pursuing other lovers. But His loving response was to rescue her from her sin by laying down His life for her. And He asked us to do the same in our relationships. Love like He loves.
It is our prayer, that when those aching from a flawed relationship, sit in a cushy theatre seat and watch this person who escapes his/her pain through divorce (as she/he gets scooped up by someone better), that they will remember its simply entertainment. After the movie is over, each of those actors go back to their real lives. And so do we.
Marriage is not without its challenges. It doesn't matter who your spouse is. If we can learn to love like Christ and not like Hollywood, we would get better results in our marriages.
The thing that alarmed us the most is that Hollywood preaches to its audience and we take its theology to heart as if its the gospel. (And we all know Hollywood is no authority on marriage). Too many times, we have heard people quote a line from a movie or repeat a scene as if that's the way we ought to conduct our lives. The message from Hollywood's pulpit is in direct opposition to the Word of God. God is married to His bride come what may. He never divorces her for a better model. In fact, He promises never to leave her or forsake her. His bride has not merited this unconditional commitment. She gains it because of His love for her. She has hurt him, hated him and wounded him. She has even played the harlot pursuing other lovers. But His loving response was to rescue her from her sin by laying down His life for her. And He asked us to do the same in our relationships. Love like He loves.
It is our prayer, that when those aching from a flawed relationship, sit in a cushy theatre seat and watch this person who escapes his/her pain through divorce (as she/he gets scooped up by someone better), that they will remember its simply entertainment. After the movie is over, each of those actors go back to their real lives. And so do we.
Marriage is not without its challenges. It doesn't matter who your spouse is. If we can learn to love like Christ and not like Hollywood, we would get better results in our marriages.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Why Did I Get Married
Why did I get married? At some point in your marriage, you will ask this question. To leave it unanswered, could be detrimental. Some may say they got married because they were pregnant at the time. Some will answer with, "I thought I was in love". Others answer that they needed financial support, or they had just been together for a long time, etc., etc. The list can be exhaustive.
However to properly answer this question, it requires that we go back to the original intent of marriage. We got married, because marriage was God's idea. We just aren't that spiritual. The idea of marriage came from heaven. God dropped it into the earth. He wanted a replica of His relationship to the church. And so it was. We ventured out until we found someone that we wanted to be married to.. and the rest is history. We got married because God had a good idea. And we embraced it.
Couples seem to falling by the wayside in groves. Why is it so hard for couples to stay married? If marriage was God's idea, why don't marriages last?
Marriages don't last because we don't have a proper understanding. We don't know the purpose of it. So when things don't go as we imagine, we think that we are supposed to jump ship and abandon the relationship. We enter marriage number 2 hoping for the same goal. And we just keep getting disappointed.
As believers we must understand and embrace suffering in our relationship with our Bridegroom. In the same way, husbands and wives will also suffer. If we expect it, we won't be shocked when it comes. Marriage prepares us for heaven. It helps us to shed our selfish, sinful nature. It helps to learn to become one with another person. God is looking for glory. As we submit to the stripping of the flesh, we allow glory to be revealed. Matrimony was meant to be holy.
So don't abandon your marriage vows just because you hit a rough patch. Work through it. There is no such thing as a challenge-free relationship. Marriage is made up of two human beings. That automatically presents a challenge. God has fully equipped you to be able to get through whatever obstacles present themselves. For better or for worse keep your word to Him to stay married for a lifetime!
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