We are on Facebook pretty often. We see it as a tool for our ministry. So we usually spend our time answering messages in our inbox or responding to questions from our latest teleconference. We are always interested in anything that has to do with marriage. So we also post tips to help strengthen marriages. We took notice of one particular young woman who was posting statuses about how wonderful her husband is. She always had something positive about marriage. She also recently started a marriage ministry. So of course, she would get extra “likes” from us. The problem is when we asked her about marriage ministry, she confessed that her marriage was in trouble and that she was in a difficult place. In fact, her relationship had never been on firm footing. Our response was let us help. She refused. But she continues the facade.
Particularly most people live successful married lives on Facebook. Their profile pictures are lovey-dovey. The comments and stats are positive and encouraging. They get to paint the world or image they want others to see. The problem is - it’s not real. If we were to judge the success of marriages just based on Facebook, the numbers would not match the disparaging real-life statistics.
In the cyber world, marriage looks easy. Post all stats about where you went on your last date. Only post favorable pics of the two of you holding hands, cuddling or some other envy provoking pose. Say sweet things on each other’s page. And that’s it – you’ve just built a successful marriage.
Unfortunately marriage involves so much more: bills, childrearing, handling conflict, in-law issues, health challenges, a neglected spouse, hurt feelings, money challenges, division of chores, etc. The list goes on.
It is helpful to no one to live behind the mask. It doesn’t help the spouses to live a fabricated life. They live beneath their spiritual privilege. They are hurt and wounded and often have no hope for a better relationship. It also doesn’t help those peering in. The fantasy creator causes others to be discouraged when this fairytale marriage finally breaks down. If you are going to live a happy cyber life, why not work to let that spill over into your reality? Jesus came that we might live a life of abundance in every arena. We really don’t have to fake it. However, it will take work. You will have to roll up your sleeves. Put in the work of prayer, denying the flesh, and chasing the devil out of your relationship. You can really live it. It doesn’t have to be make-believe. A genuine marriage ministers to others. People want the real thing, not a replica.
I don't want to be fake but at the same time I don't want people to know the hardships I face in my marriage. When on a forum such as Facebook or Twitter how do one balance between private matters and things to be discussed or told publicly? This is one of the main reasons why we choose not to have either accounts because we are still working through some things. Should would wait for our deliverance in some areas or praise are way through? Its hard finding a balance between the two.
ReplyDeleteCertainly it is NEVER appropriate to publicly post your marital conflicts/challenges on a social network. However it is also not in your best interest to post how wonderful your marriage is when its not. There are so many other things that would make intriguing statuses.
ReplyDeleteIt is wise that you two have opted out of the social networks until your marriage is on firmer footing. This says that your marriage is more important than having a Facebook or Twitter page.