Don't Touch Me! by Crystal Jones

Nearly every married woman has uttered these words at some time in her relationship. She speaks them in the height of her emotions as a threat to her husband.  As if it is a pleasure for him to touch her while she is ready to explode.  No man find this pleasurable, or for that matter, even safe.  However he ventures to touch her anyway. Why? His intent is to calm her; to bring her out of this negative place to at least a neutral place. 

But she refuses his touch.  Perhaps it is her way to punish him.  Or perhaps she is not finished being angry.  She wants to remain in her fuming state so that she can teach him a ‘valuable’ lesson. While she is teaching lessons, she is shutting something down inside of him.  And later she wonders why things are changed or different, because she doesn't see the invisible damage she’s done.

Touch is powerful.  Healing is received through touch.   Ministry is released through touch. Touch signifies a relationship and can indicate and attract closeness.

 

The scriptures tell us in Matthew 18:19, Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 

A marriage relationship has an automatic ‘two of you’. You can touch not only physically, but spiritually by coming in agreement.  And the Word says the results are amazing – It shall be done!  If we asked God to bring peace to our union, He would just do it.

The marriage is most vulnerable when it has been wounded through offense.  This is the time that it most desperately needs a touch. Jesus ministered to men by touching them.  And it was not only his touch them that healed.  But there was a woman who was healed because she touched Him.  Touch is important.  Our brokenness can be mended through touch.  A gentle touch can turn a heated situation.

So why do we reject touch?  Because when we are angry, flesh takes it as an invitation to show up.   The Bible warns us to be angry but don’t sin.  Understand we can only sin when we are in the flesh.  So we have to be wary of our own anger because it can cause us to sin.  It’s fleshly anger that draws us out of the will of God.  We say damnable things that we ought not say.  We make destructive choices that we ought not make.  All because flesh was invited to a fight. 

Maturity teaches us how to have a righteous anger.  We remain in the spirit and attack the sin and not our lover.  We speak slowly and carefully, allowing the Lord to guide us.  When he says enough, or be quiet, we yield.  A righteous anger promotes peace.

An unrighteous, fleshly anger has no self control and a tendency to withdraw.  The spouse says whatever she/he thinks without weighing their words.  It’s as if the injured spouse feels the offense gives her a free pass to say whatever or do whatever she wants because she was hurt; as if there are no consequences for her actions.  Yes, flesh is tricky.

Isn’t good to know that God doesn’t treat us this way?  We’ve offended Him many times over.  But he doesn’t say “Don’t Touch Me!”  He knows that we are in desperate need of his touch.  We ache for it. We can only get better if we receive His touch.  It’s the same way in our marriages.

And I do understand that it is not just wives who refuse touch.  Sometimes husband refuse it as well. So whether you are a wife or a husband, this message is for you.  If you are ever brewing with anger and your spouse reaches out to touch you, don't refuse it.  Don't invite your flesh into your marriage. Resist the urge to withdraw.  You will receive far better benefits when you walk in the Spirit.  So go ahead and touch.