Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder by Keila Allen

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

 As this phrase rings in my head over and over again, I’m brought to a place of thankfulness and appreciation for my husband. After being unemployed for a little over two months, he started a new job today, 9.10.13. New schedule, new routines, new expectations… how would this day play out? How would I feel at the end of the day? Having to entertain my precious but yet LIVEacious (yeah I made it up) toddler ALL DAY, w/o release time from her dad? Yikes! Ok, my mind began to prepare for the challenge. 

The more that I planned the day, the more I found myself thinking about my husband. I thought about how long his drive would be to his new job. What work would he be required to accomplish? What new people would he meet? Would he actually EAT the lunch I made him? No blasts on me or him! He just forgot to eat lunch at his last job due to the fact that he was so busy. He was only gone 30 min and I already was envisioning the moment he returned home.  It was funny to me because all I could think about was him.

The phrase returned yet again to my mind, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I conclude that I’d rather be absent from my husband than distant. Absence is the state of someone being away for an expected short period of time, and being distant is the state of someone being disconnected with an uncertain amount of time and definitely can occur while the person is present. Absence brings anticipation and distance brings disappointment. Having experienced both of these feelings in my marriage, I choose absence!  I anticipate him calling me on his lunch break. I anticipate him texting me. I anticipate him giving me that looong greeting of a hug and kiss when he comes home. It just feels so different than that usual kiss or hug. It’s so easy to take these small acts for granted.

Our recent move to Georgia has caused our marriage to improve in various ways. We have spent unusual amounts of time together while transitioning from one state to another. We have been truly learning how to live and operate as a team. In the past three years, we have struggled quite a bit in the area of prayer, problem solving and communication. We thought that we were operating as one, but definitely didn't grasp this concept until now. We were flooded with selfishness and individualism IN our marriage. 

When you operate as a team, the award doesn't go to the wife or the husband, it goes to the MARRIAGE and God receives the glory. When the husband’s motive is to please the wife and the wife’s motive is to please her husband, you end up ministering to each other.  This is the familiar phrase that most of us that are part of MFAL (Marriage For A Lifetime) have heard, “Do What’s in the Best Interest of the Marriage.”

Marriage is really a beautiful gift from the Lord. Now that our season has changed, I’m truly thankful to the Lord for giving me a positive perspective on this situation and an opportunity to MISS or be absent from my husband. Often times I find that when I pause and reflect on ways to serve and please him and NOT my needs, it rekindles feelings that I may have neglected or left unappreciated. Marriage is something that you have to protect and pursue on a constant basis, just like anything else that is meaningful. Instead of letting my heart wander while he’s gone, I’m choosing to let it grow fonder and stronger in anticipation of his sweet return.