NOT AGAIN! A Husband’s View on Marriage Retreats by Shannon Parr

“Is it that time of the year already?  Our church’s annual marriage retreat was just announced and I haven’t filled my calendar with something I can use as an excuse not to go!”
 
Why this attitude is so prevalent is a mystery to me.  My wife and I were fortunate enough, in the beginning of our marriage, to see the value of marriage conferences.  These often awkward and uncomfortable weekends birthed wisdom and protection in our young marriage.  It also saved my marriage before it needed saving. 

Here’s one such lesson and how it played out: 

First of all, God has an awesome sense of humor.  We are Americans that traveled to Canada, to hear a white couple from South Africa.  The lesson that weekend for me, “Soul Ties”. 

They shared about the connection that can happen between two people of the opposite sex that is similar to a kindred spirit.  On the surface it seems simply friendly, but there is something “beckoning” you to spend time with this person with the honest intent of just being friends.  It is this beckoning that should concern you. 

Here’s what the speakers didn’t know about me.  I love my wife and had no intention of hurting her.  At work, however, a new girl was just hired.  Being a gentleman, I introduced myself to make her feel welcomed.  Before long, I felt “beckoned” to visit her desk for short chats.  I found myself adjusting my breaks to coincide with her breaks to chat some more.  I was making a new friend, or so I thought. 

I had zero intent on initializing anything more than a friendship, and thought it was our common cultural heritage that caused the beckoning.  The seminar opened my eyes and I could see where this relationship was truly headed.  One thing does not lead to another.  You lead one thing to the next thing. 

I prayed for God’s help, told my wife, and began to purposely adjust my breaks to not coincide with my coworker.  Within a month or so, she left the company.  Interesting… 

Today, 20 years later, I still purposely go out of my way to say hi or give a kind word to a stranger, and there is still the rare occasion of meeting someone and feeling that “beckoning”.  Once identified, evasive actions are taken to protect my marriage.  Saving my marriage before it needs saving. 

Whether others picked up this lesson that weekend, we may never know.  For me, however, I take this lesson, throw in a couple dozen more “nuggets of wisdom” from other marriage conferences, and thank God for protecting my marriage from major drama. 

CHALLENGE FOR HUSBANDS:

Our wives usually want to go to these weekend getaways, but we don’t.  Take the time, honor your wife, and keep your ears open.  Do that and God will go out of His way to give you “nuggets of wisdom”.  Go ahead, put it on your calendar!