Love Thinks

She was crying as she lashed out at him.  He returned the vicious verbal attack to her.  We noticed they both were wearing wedding bands.  We sat there wondering, “How did this marriage disintegrate to this place?” 

On their wedding day, things were a lot different, certainly.  Neither of them would’ve ever imagined that they would be here.

So where does the breakdown of a marriage begin?  We believe it begins in the thoughts.  It has been said that our thoughts become our actions.  So before we can assault or scream or inject sarcasm, we have to think about it first. 

The enemy presents a thought to our minds through some offense, misunderstanding or even sometimes just randomly, without motive.  We make a decision to accept or reject that thought.  If we accept it, we meditate on it and then we gather other thoughts similar in nature to support the first one.  Then we stew in it.  After a short time, we are heated and ready to attack.  Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.  It all begins with a thought.

The Bible says whatsoever things are lovely, true, honest, of a good report, think on these things.  We often ignore that scripture and find ourselves filled with rage.  Just as negative thoughts can destroy a marriage, positive thoughts can build a marriage.  Just suppose you begin to think about all the wonderful reasons why you married your spouse, what do you think would come next?  A harsh word?  Hardly. 

Suppose your spouse didn’t pay the bill you asked him/her to pay.  Now you owe a late fee on top of the bill.  Your finances are already stretched.  There is a knock at the door of your heart.  Here come those negative thoughts: He/she is just irresponsible. He/she doesn’t love me.  He/she always does stuff like this.  I am the only one who cares about this relationship. You need to stop.  Because this line of reasoning will not end on a good note.  The thoughts will only get worse.  They will even dig up the past and bring old negative actions with them for reinforcement.  You are being set up for a fall.  But what if instead, you thought: he/she didn’t forget on purpose.  It was a mistake.  He/she loves our family.  He/she wants the best for us.  He/she does other things to build our family life.  And you allowed those thoughts to dig up some past positive actions, that same scenario would end completely different.  You would begin to smile and attract other kind thoughts.

Once, I overheard a woman talking about how she cursed her husband out in her mind. That is not productive to the relationship. We have to mature to the place where we make sure that the meditations of our hearts are acceptable in the sight of God. 

We must think on purpose.  It is far healthier.   Do not let thoughts run all willy nilly in your mind. Arrest them.  The scriptures tells us to take them captive. 

If couples learned to shut down those negative thoughts when they show up, marriages would be far healthier and happier. 

So what are you thinking?