“I got it!”
“I can do it myself!”
“I’m not handicapped!”
“I have two hands and two feet, I can do it.”
These are comments that I often made to my husband after we got married. I felt as if I was expected to let go of all my liberties as an independent woman. I could no longer cook a meal for myself- I had to make sure he ate too, I couldn’t take out the garbage, put oil in my car, book a flight and leave town with no explanation, or even go shopping whenever I wanted, etc.
I was accustomed to making late night runs to the store, taking late night drives and sometimes even late night walks just to get some fresh air - and I thought it was perfectly fine.
When I got married, I didn’t realize what it meant to become a team player. I had to learn how to allow my husband to lead me, how to follow, how to submit, how to lovingly serve him, how to share, how to communicate with my spouse and follow him as he is the head of our house. This was no easy feat! My husband and I bumped heads a lot, mainly because it was my way or no way. I would soon find out, although I’ve been taught what to do as a wife, actually doing it once I became a wife was a totally different story. It was time to grow up and lay down my will and take up the will of Christ.
In Genesis 2:18, God said it’s not good for man to be alone. Why then, would I decide to continue in my marriage with the mindset of a single woman? In the natural, I was married. But in my mind, I still wanted to do everything myself. Clearly, my mind needed to be renewed - and fast!
After nearly 2 years, a lot of prayer and a lot of hard work, I decided to take heed to the wisdom that was constantly being ministered to me by the women in my life. I recently attended a mentoring tea at my church where my pastor dropped some serious knowledge on us. She explained to the women that we are the weaker vessel and that is not a bad thing at all. It’s actually a huge blessing! IF we choose to receive it as such. Society teaches us that the “weaker vessel” is a degrading thing. In actuality, it is not. It’s great! Yes, I am the weaker vessel, so no, I can’t take out the garbage. No, I can’t go get the brakes fixed on the car, pump the gas or carry in the groceries. I am still learning how to wait for my husband to open the door for me instead of saying, “I can do it myself!” I willingly lay down all of those things that I was taught I “had” to do as an independent woman. Don’t get me wrong, if my husband needs me to help do anything, I am always more than willing to oblige. But I know that I do not have to carry the burden of being “independent” because I am not in this alone.
Furthermore, I learned that I am not to carry the mindset of an independent woman, period. I am to be forever dependent on my Heavenly Father. He is my source, my peace, my comforter, my life, the very breath that I breathe. He is the Lover of my soul and the lifter of my head. I must depend on Him to direct my path every single day.
Below are a few valuable lessons that I have learned and implemented to help me rid the independent mindset:
1) My husband is not my enemy.
2) I am totally accepted by my husband.
3) I am the weaker vessel.
4) My dependency is on Christ, not myself.
5) Study what the word says about being a wife.
6) Communication is key!
7) Lovingly allow my husband to lead our family. Stay out of his seat!
8) We are a team. There is no “I” in “team”.
9) Be confident in who God created me to be.
10) Let go of unrealistic expectations.
It’s a beautiful thing to be a “dependent” newlywed. I am “all IN” with being fully dependent upon my Lord and will continue to lovingly follow my husband all the days of our lives. I may not get it right every time, but as we move forward as a team, we will grow as we continue to totally depend and lean on Christ.
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