“I got it!”
“I can do it myself!”
“I’m not handicapped!”
“I have two hands and two feet, I can do it.”
These are comments that I often made to my husband after we got married. I felt as if I was expected to let go of all my liberties as an independent woman. I could no longer cook a meal for myself- I had to make sure he ate too, I couldn’t take out the garbage, put oil in my car, book a flight and leave town with no explanation, or even go shopping whenever I wanted, etc.
I was accustomed to making late night runs to the store, taking late night drives and sometimes even late night walks just to get some fresh air - and I thought it was perfectly fine.
When I got married, I didn’t realize what it meant to become a team player. I had to learn how to allow my husband to lead me, how to follow, how to submit, how to lovingly serve him, how to share, how to communicate with my spouse and follow him as he is the head of our house. This was no easy feat! My husband and I bumped heads a lot, mainly because it was my way or no way. I would soon find out, although I’ve been taught what to do as a wife, actually doing it once I became a wife was a totally different story. It was time to grow up and lay down my will and take up the will of Christ.
In Genesis 2:18, God said it’s not good for man to be alone. Why then, would I decide to continue in my marriage with the mindset of a single woman? In the natural, I was married. But in my mind, I still wanted to do everything myself. Clearly, my mind needed to be renewed - and fast!
After nearly 2 years, a lot of prayer and a lot of hard work, I decided to take heed to the wisdom that was constantly being ministered to me by the women in my life. I recently attended a mentoring tea at my church where my pastor dropped some serious knowledge on us. She explained to the women that we are the weaker vessel and that is not a bad thing at all. It’s actually a huge blessing! IF we choose to receive it as such. Society teaches us that the “weaker vessel” is a degrading thing. In actuality, it is not. It’s great! Yes, I am the weaker vessel, so no, I can’t take out the garbage. No, I can’t go get the brakes fixed on the car, pump the gas or carry in the groceries. I am still learning how to wait for my husband to open the door for me instead of saying, “I can do it myself!” I willingly lay down all of those things that I was taught I “had” to do as an independent woman. Don’t get me wrong, if my husband needs me to help do anything, I am always more than willing to oblige. But I know that I do not have to carry the burden of being “independent” because I am not in this alone.
Furthermore, I learned that I am not to carry the mindset of an independent woman, period. I am to be forever dependent on my Heavenly Father. He is my source, my peace, my comforter, my life, the very breath that I breathe. He is the Lover of my soul and the lifter of my head. I must depend on Him to direct my path every single day.
Below are a few valuable lessons that I have learned and implemented to help me rid the independent mindset:
1) My husband is not my enemy.
2) I am totally accepted by my husband.
3) I am the weaker vessel.
4) My dependency is on Christ, not myself.
5) Study what the word says about being a wife.
6) Communication is key!
7) Lovingly allow my husband to lead our family. Stay out of his seat!
8) We are a team. There is no “I” in “team”.
9) Be confident in who God created me to be.
10) Let go of unrealistic expectations.
It’s a beautiful thing to be a “dependent” newlywed. I am “all IN” with being fully dependent upon my Lord and will continue to lovingly follow my husband all the days of our lives. I may not get it right every time, but as we move forward as a team, we will grow as we continue to totally depend and lean on Christ.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
It's Worth The Fight by Lyntina McClendon
It's so interesting; it seems not many people are up for the fight to keep their marriages. All over the news we hear about the "hot couples" being the new victims of divorce proceedings after a bout with infidelity.
What's more interesting is that this is not exclusive to the secular world; we are seeing an epidemic of divorce amongst believers, when we know that God's word says "the two shall become one flesh".
What is it? Are we not strong enough to fight for our marriage? Is it impossible to hold back words of wrath and bitterness against our own spouse? Are we so flimsy that at the first occurence of a major issue we fold and throw in the towel? There is no question that today's marriages face an abundance of agitators and opponents of harmony: In Laws, Differences of Opinion, Infidelity, Finances or the Lack thereof, Stepchildren and the other parent, Communcation Deterioration, Frienemies that encourage you to leave instead of insisting that you fight for your marriage. These are just a few of the things that are constantly coming at the married couple on a daily basis. It would be foolish, to disregard the severity of each of the above situations, because they are real. However, we can accomplish and conquer anything, if there is unity and a common determination - We are going to fight for our marriage and WIN.
It is very probable that today's statistics of split-ups and divorce is due to selfishness and slothfulness. If things are not going smoothly, instead of focusing on a strategy to find the root of the conflict and resolve that, we start giving deadlines for the spouse to straighten up or its "deuces". What a lazy way to combat a problem. Absolutely no resolve to fight. We show more resolve to fight when we see a mouse in the house. "I can't sleep until that mouse is dead", we say. We are willing to "give up sleep" to kill a mouse, but we won't get actively involved to save our marriage, we leave it on the other person to "straighten up" and that in itself is a selfish stance.
Did you stop to think that "you" might need to adjust something in your position? Did you stop to think that your spouse may take the same attitude you have taken? For both people to leave the solution on the other person makes the ground a Standoff. You stand off from each other. You stand off the vows you made for richer, poorer, better, worse. You stand off from becoming a tool to repair what is broken. You stand off from the fight, because it takes too much work. YOU STANDOFF AGAINST GODS WORD. The Two shall become ONE FLESH.
Now, I don't know of anyone in their right mind that fights their own flesh. When I stub my toe, my mouth screams in anguish! My hand grabs the foot and my knees buckle. My pores sweat indicating to the whole body, our toe is hurt and we gotta stop this hurt! Now it would be a sad picture to see someone kicking a wall with the intention of stubbing the toe, and then see that same person laughing and pointing at the toe, saying "thats what you get!" Sounds absolutely insane, doesn't it? Well that's just how we sound when we are attacking and hurting our spouse. YOUR SPOUSE IS YOUR FLESH. To stab your spouse in the chest is to stab yourself in the back. Stop fighting each other and use that energy to Fight for your MARRIAGE.
It does not matter WHAT you are facing, you are much more effective TOGETHER. If you have the energy to talk on the phone to your friend about your issues, you have the energy to talk to your spouse to come up with a plan to resolve your issues. If you have enough energy to scheme and find a way to make your spouse feel low, you have the energy to speak well of your spouse and build up! You see, we are using the energy that is supposed to go towards the nuture of our marriage incorrectly. We are using it to tear down and that is not in God's will for you.
Take every ounce of gumption, strenth and intention that you have in your being and Fight for your marriage. Fight. Win!!!
What's more interesting is that this is not exclusive to the secular world; we are seeing an epidemic of divorce amongst believers, when we know that God's word says "the two shall become one flesh".
What is it? Are we not strong enough to fight for our marriage? Is it impossible to hold back words of wrath and bitterness against our own spouse? Are we so flimsy that at the first occurence of a major issue we fold and throw in the towel? There is no question that today's marriages face an abundance of agitators and opponents of harmony: In Laws, Differences of Opinion, Infidelity, Finances or the Lack thereof, Stepchildren and the other parent, Communcation Deterioration, Frienemies that encourage you to leave instead of insisting that you fight for your marriage. These are just a few of the things that are constantly coming at the married couple on a daily basis. It would be foolish, to disregard the severity of each of the above situations, because they are real. However, we can accomplish and conquer anything, if there is unity and a common determination - We are going to fight for our marriage and WIN.
It is very probable that today's statistics of split-ups and divorce is due to selfishness and slothfulness. If things are not going smoothly, instead of focusing on a strategy to find the root of the conflict and resolve that, we start giving deadlines for the spouse to straighten up or its "deuces". What a lazy way to combat a problem. Absolutely no resolve to fight. We show more resolve to fight when we see a mouse in the house. "I can't sleep until that mouse is dead", we say. We are willing to "give up sleep" to kill a mouse, but we won't get actively involved to save our marriage, we leave it on the other person to "straighten up" and that in itself is a selfish stance.
Did you stop to think that "you" might need to adjust something in your position? Did you stop to think that your spouse may take the same attitude you have taken? For both people to leave the solution on the other person makes the ground a Standoff. You stand off from each other. You stand off the vows you made for richer, poorer, better, worse. You stand off from becoming a tool to repair what is broken. You stand off from the fight, because it takes too much work. YOU STANDOFF AGAINST GODS WORD. The Two shall become ONE FLESH.
Now, I don't know of anyone in their right mind that fights their own flesh. When I stub my toe, my mouth screams in anguish! My hand grabs the foot and my knees buckle. My pores sweat indicating to the whole body, our toe is hurt and we gotta stop this hurt! Now it would be a sad picture to see someone kicking a wall with the intention of stubbing the toe, and then see that same person laughing and pointing at the toe, saying "thats what you get!" Sounds absolutely insane, doesn't it? Well that's just how we sound when we are attacking and hurting our spouse. YOUR SPOUSE IS YOUR FLESH. To stab your spouse in the chest is to stab yourself in the back. Stop fighting each other and use that energy to Fight for your MARRIAGE.
It does not matter WHAT you are facing, you are much more effective TOGETHER. If you have the energy to talk on the phone to your friend about your issues, you have the energy to talk to your spouse to come up with a plan to resolve your issues. If you have enough energy to scheme and find a way to make your spouse feel low, you have the energy to speak well of your spouse and build up! You see, we are using the energy that is supposed to go towards the nuture of our marriage incorrectly. We are using it to tear down and that is not in God's will for you.
Take every ounce of gumption, strenth and intention that you have in your being and Fight for your marriage. Fight. Win!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)