To Forgive or Not to Forgive? By Lynette Hayes

Forgiveness is a choice, we all want it, but how often do we extend it?

Marriage is probably the only relationship that requires "daily" forgiveness. It is the enemy’s job to point out every flaw in our spouse (Revelation 12:10). As we focus on our spouse’s flaws we develop discontentment towards them. As discontentment grows, unforgiveness settles in, and unforgiveness is a breeding ground for hopelessness. When hope is lost, the topic of divorce is inevitable.

3 tips for preventing unforgiveness:

1.) Understand your spouse is not perfect. When we truly understand our spouse is not perfect, their mistakes are easily pardoned or released from punishment. Romans 3:10 says There is none righteous, no, not one. All have fallen short and all have sinned (Romans3:22-25) . Keeping that in mind, your spouse will continue to make mistakes throughout the rest of their life. However, if they apply the Word of God they will overcome strongholds; but they will never be perfect.

2.) Recognize your own imperfections- Matthew 7:3-5 says and why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Focus on you, God does not glory in us concentrating on others more than ourselves. The Bible speaks directly to us as individuals regarding God’s expectations for us, therefore we are responsible for our own actions. Besides we have to stand before God and give an account for ourselves and not our spouse. If we spend more time strengthening and developing ourselves we have far less time to focus on our spouse’s errors.

3.) Prayer- Prayer is a POWERFUL tool! It is one of the most intimate ways to interact with God. Our lives are changed as a result of prayer. If you are like I used to be, prayer is usually a last resort. In the past, instead of being my first response, it followed worrying, accusing, belittling, and nagging. When you pray for your spouse’s sin issues and shortcomings, God gives you a level of compassion towards them. Prayer not only changes your spouse’s life, it changes yours. God always shows us ourselves when we petition Him on behalf of our spouse. I believe he does that to keep us humble and to help us realize that we, too, need Him. I am so glad that God’s mercy doesn't allow me to receive what I deserve and His grace gives me that which I do not earn!

FORGIVENESS IS A REQUIREMENT FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE. Often those who find it difficult to forgive themselves also find it hard to forgive others. Know that God has forgiven you and His love covers every mistake. Apply God’s word, Luke 6:36 says Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Make forgiveness a lifestyle it will transform your life as well as your marriage!