Sunday, February 13, 2011

Controlling Husbands

The danger of a controlling husband is that most do not see themselves as controlling. Control comes in different forms. We knew a guy who basically did what he wanted at the expense of the marriage. He told his wife he was going to do things that he never got around to doing. He would just sit around and do nothing. In his mind, he was controlling the situation because he got what he wanted. His passive-aggressive behavior was his way of controlling his wife. All control isn’t done with this type of behavior; sometimes the husband can be overbearing or very demanding. Either way, it is still control. God encourages us to lovingly lead our wives as Christ lovingly leads the church. His headship is done by love; it is the greatest form of leading.

As men of God, we need to be aware of the controlling behavior that might still be lingering in our mindsets. This controlling behavior stems from a man’s low self worth. This is directly connected to his personal relationship with the Lord. As we seek the Lord, he is able to validate us and restore our image. This will cause us to feel better about ourselves and others.

The will of God is that we allow our wives to become what God created them to be, and not limit them or hold them hostage because of our own frailties. Godly men celebrate their wives and encourage them to become great women of God. She should feel free to be all that Christ has called her to be. Eph 5:25 Love your wife like Christ love the church. You will be the better for it.

Signs you may be controlling:

Answer these questions for yourself and then ask someone else (that will be honest with you) to answer them for you.

1. Do you frequently fail at keeping your word to your spouse?

2. Do you have resentment towards your wife’s requests?

3. Do you call your wife 4 times or more per day to check on her?

4. Do you complain about being underappreciated or cheated?

5. Do you feel jealousy concerning your spouse?

6. Do you often falsely accuse her of being with someone else?

7. Do you find yourself in competition with your wife?

8. Do you blame others for your situations?

9. Is your behavior unpredictable?

10. Do you belittle your wife, damaging her with your words?

11. Do you feel uncontrollable rage towards your family at times?

12. Do you have a history of violent behavior in your family?

13. Do you play on your spouse’s guilt (If you loved me, you’d…)

14. Do you often ask for a second chance to behave better?

All of these are signs that control may be an issue for you. Go to the Lord about this. Repent of operating in this place of sin. Ask your wife to forgive you. Petition God to heal you. Invite other men to hold you accountable so that you don’t continue to fall into old habits.  It is also advisable to seek counseling  to break spiritual strongholds and generational curses.


  1. I am the wife of a controlling husband. The sad part is he is controlling me from prison. I have dealt with this for as long as I know how. I don't know what to do or how to do it. Please help.

  2. Some may ask how is he controlling you from prison? But if we understand that control and manipulation are spirits, then it is much more understandable. You have to get out from under this spirit. That influence must be broken over you. Therefore we highly recommend that you get into counseling with your pastor or other Christian counselor. Your self-image and confidence in Christ must be built up.