Hard Conversations by Pam Houston

  In our relationships we have to make sure we hold hard conversations when making a decision about a vital matter that ultimately affects both parties.  Much of the time we tend to agree on a matter without fully talking it through in anticipation and preparation of what COULD happen in the future.   We do not talk about the pros and the cons.  One person throws the matter out there and the other unknowingly, with good intentions quickly agrees without thoroughly examining the matter. 

Fast-forward 3 months from now, and that agreement which was made ever so quickly, without being talked thru on both parts is causing problems.  Situations are arising.  Frustrations are setting in. Pressure is mounting.  Bitterness starts to take its toll and all havoc breaks loose.  The original agreement is diluted and we find ourselves in an aftermath of chaos; and one finds himself or herself  talking about “Ummm, I did not sign up for this!!!!!!”  This is all due to the “hard conversation” that never took place. 

It is better to schedule those challenging matters for our husband-wife meetings.  It is allows the necessary space and time to have the “hard conversations”  One example is if a husband gets laid off from his job and his wife decides she is going back to school to further her education so that it can make an impact on their future.  Sounds good, right?  Sacrifice now and it will pay off later?  They quickly agree to the idea without thoroughly having the “hard conversation”.  One day, he/she gets home and there is slamming of doors, attitudes flying, one is attacking the other verbally.  Things that should not be said are being said.  One is ready to throw in the towel…”I am too stressed; you have to get a job. I can not do this anymore.  This just is not fair and I need help with all these bills!!! (Even though they previously made an agreement.)  

The “hard conversations” are really talking things through in detail.  The pros and the cons, and every minute detail should be included so that each is very clear on what can happen. The couple is prepared in the event that one may “lose ground”, feeling overwhelmed and having a rough day.  Because we have already discussed this, we are ready to support one another in any situation; and we talked about some of the things that could arise in advance.  Basically, we are pre -acting by having that “Hard Conversation”.  Now! This is something we expected.  We can do this!!

 

In turn, this prevents the enemy from gaining ground in this relationship and the negative situations that may show up from time to time.  “Hard  Conversations” cover the bases and now we have protected ourselves against the fiery darts of the enemy and the attacks that take place.  The spirit of division has less of a chance of slipping in because we sat down in our husband-wife meetings and had those hard conversations.  It can be used to diffuse the enemy’s tactics at the gate. 

Couples will often find that we face challenges together but if we use these types of communication skills, these “hard conversations” and make them a priority when making decisions as a couple.  We should all dig deeper and go beyond the surface.  We just may prevent one very un-welcomed situation!!!!