In our relationships we have to make sure we hold hard
conversations when making a decision about a vital matter that ultimately
affects both parties. Much of the time
we tend to agree on a matter without fully talking it through in anticipation
and preparation of what COULD happen in the future. We do not talk about the pros and the
cons. One person throws the matter out
there and the other unknowingly, with good intentions quickly agrees without thoroughly
examining the matter.
Fast-forward 3 months from now, and that agreement which was
made ever so quickly, without being talked thru on both parts is causing
problems. Situations are arising. Frustrations are setting in. Pressure is mounting. Bitterness starts to take
its toll and all havoc breaks loose. The
original agreement is diluted and we find ourselves in an aftermath of chaos;
and one finds himself or herself talking
about “Ummm, I did not sign up for this!!!!!!”
This is all due to the “hard conversation” that never took place.
It is better to schedule those challenging matters for our husband-wife
meetings. It is allows the necessary
space and time to have the “hard conversations” One example is if a husband gets laid off from
his job and his wife decides she is going back to school to further her
education so that it can make an impact on their future. Sounds good, right? Sacrifice now and it will pay off later? They quickly agree to the idea without
thoroughly having the “hard conversation”. One day, he/she gets home and there is
slamming of doors, attitudes flying, one is attacking the other verbally. Things that should not be said are being
said. One is ready to throw in the
towel…”I am too stressed; you have to get a job. I can not do this anymore. This just is not fair and I need help with
all these bills!!! (Even though they previously made an agreement.)
The “hard conversations” are really talking things through
in detail. The pros and the cons, and every
minute detail should be included so that each is very clear on what can
happen. The couple is prepared in the event that one may “lose ground”, feeling
overwhelmed and having a rough day. Because
we have already discussed this, we are ready to support one another in any
situation; and we talked about some of the things that could arise in advance. Basically, we are pre -acting by having that
“Hard Conversation”. Now! This is something we expected. We can do this!!
Couples will often find that we face challenges together but
if we use these types of communication skills, these “hard conversations” and
make them a priority when making decisions as a couple. We should all dig deeper and go beyond the surface. We just may prevent one
very un-welcomed situation!!!!