Distant Lover

We were at a marriage event preparing ourselves to speak. We looked around the room; many of the couples were in anticipation. They were sitting close together, smiling at each other. A few were whispering in each others’ ears. One wife was even sitting on her husband’s lap.

However, we noticed a few of the couples sitting far away from each other, seeming uninterested in each other. One of them had an extra chair between them. It made us wonder, what happened to them?

Something happened.

Young married couples start out zealous, believing nothing can stand in the way of their love. After the honeymoon phase of their relationship, they settle into a sad reality, “This is just how it is.”

It is only when a couple believes that things “can’t” change, that things really don’t change. Consequently they find themselves choosing divorce. And that divorce is not always “natural” with attorneys involved, filing papers. Sometimes couples divorce emotionally. Day after day they go through the routines of life, living in the same house. They allow the distance to compound. They grow further and further apart until they are completely disconnected emotionally.

Emotional bankruptcy can happen in any marriage, if not guarded properly. When it comes to marriages, we don’t expect the challenges. But they come. And they come hard. Unfortunately our love wanes, because we do not love without condition. After a while, we begin to take each other for granted. By that time, many offenses have taken their toll on our emotions. And unforgiveness eats away at our relationship. So we allow the distance to linger. It’s sort of a self-protective measure.

The sad part of this is these couples are in the church and have access to the Undeniably All Powerful Christ. He who resurrects the dead is able to resurrect dead relationships. We do not have to live beneath our holy privilege. Our marriages do not have to die.

If you find that your marriage is growing distant and the spirit of divorce is creeping in, don’t settle for “that’s just the way it is”. Choose life. If you want a change, you will have to make that change.

Pray: Ask the Lord to show you yourself. Pray for your spouse and for your marriage. Listen to hear what God has to say in response.

Talk: Bring up the issue that has been keeping you apart. Share what God has told you with your spouse.

Forgive: Let go of offenses. Whether it’s your spouse, in-laws, children, or the Lord, choose to release the offense. And keep forgiving.

Plan: Turn the direction of your marriage. Reconnect with your spouse. Agree to let nothing come between the two of you and the Lord. Schedule date night and husband-wife meetings.

Do it!: Implement the changes that you have agreed upon right away. Don’t put it off one day longer.

Thank the Lord: Give God thanks for new life in your relationship. Thank Him everyday for your spouse.