For Peace's Sake

Recently, a wife left her church; not before giving her pastor and the leadership staff a hard time and an earful. Her husband didn’t agree with her and felt like she was 100% wrong. However, he tagged along with her, when she withdrew her membership. His reasoning? “I just want to keep the peace.” First of all there was no peace in his house to keep or maintain. His wife was angry and raging, mostly because he didn’t support her wrong doings. And this would not be the end of her tirade. Next week, it would be something else.

God has positioned the husband to lead the family, but in this instance we find the husband following his disgruntled wife with aspirations of false peace.

Often in counseling, we hear a spouse render, “I just want to keep the peace”, when handling difficult circumstances. And more times than not, they are not in a peaceful situation. So it’s really not about “keeping” the peace or even a simulated peace. It’s really a position of surrender. Couples, sometimes, get to the place where they stop fighting for their marriages. The enemy wants to defile relationships. And his purpose is to wear out the saints. Unfortunately, we acquiesce. We tire of the fight and so we get to the place where we just go with the flow.

The Bible does not advocate keeping the peace. Jesus said, I came not to bring peace but a sword [Matthew 10:34]. The Bible doesn’t say blessed are the peacekeepers. It says blessed are the peacemakers [Matthew 5:9]. There is a difference. There are times when you have to make war in order to make peace. We are challenged to live and promote righteous living through a relationship with the Prince of Peace. When we follow Him, we will have true peace.

We are not to accept just any and every behavior from our spouse for peace’s sake. We are helpers one of another. And that help doesn’t always come neatly packaged. Sometimes we must upset the norm to promote the Gospel of Peace, challenging our spouses for Christ’s sake. We must care more for their souls than for our own comfort.

In Acts 5:1-11, Sapphira agreed with her husband to sin against God. The scripture says, with his wife’s full knowledge he kept part of the money for himself. Why did Sapphira go along with his evil scheme? Perhaps she thought he was right or maybe she just didn’t want to argue. Maybe she thought, it was easier to just go along with it. She may have secured temporary peace but death was her punishment.

On the other hand, Abigail, a woman of understanding, did not agree with her sinful husband. She stood for righteous against her husband’s wishes and she was honored for it [I Samuel 25].

You can stand for peace or against it. We stand against peace when we concede to unrighteousness. We stand for peace by disrupting that which is unrighteous and ungodly. What side of peace will you stand?

Listen Up!

Standing in line at a grocery store, there were two ladies in front of me. Now these ladies were of different cultures and obviously spoke 2 different languages. The first lady saw that the other had only a few items and extended an invitation for her to step in front of her.


Lady # 1: “Do you want to go in front of me?”

Lady #2: “Yes."

Eventhough, lady # 2 said, "Yes", she didn’t move. I noticed that woman #2  continued to answer yes, every time lady #1 repeated her offer.  But she didn’t understand what the other lady was trying to do. Her answer was yes, but her actions were something else.

This scenario continued several times. Finally the exasperated woman proceeded to the checkout without allowing the second lady to go forward.  Lady #2 missed her blessing.

This was a classic case of communication breakdown. She didn’t understand, but yet she answered. How many times in marriage has this scenario played out? For various reasons, one spouse says something and the other answers without ever clearly understanding what is being asked.

Sometimes, this can happen because we don’t tune into what is being said or we simply ignore the request. It is important that we take the time to listen, not only with our ears, but with our hearts. Communication involves more than just hearing. We should pay close attention to one another. There is an art to hearing what is not being said.

In this age of technology and multi-tasking, we must also work on minimizing distractions in order to hear and understand. Too often one spouse is texting, on the computer or watching television while the other is pleading to be heard. The distracted spouse needs to stop whatever he/she is doing and “really” hear his/her spouse.

The Bible tells us that in all our getting, we are to get an understanding (Proverbs 4:7b). We cannot move forward as a couple unless we strive to understand each other. Husbands are encouraged to dwell with their wives according to knowledge (I Peter 3:7).  However it takes paying close attention to really know your wife. A spouse may be annoyed and frustrated by the reaction of the other. Effective communication requires that we practice patience and become great listeners.

Whatever the case couples must seek to be on the same page in every arena of their marriage and work on those areas that need it most. Miscommunication can hinder us from moving toward oneness. Let us seek to understand. It just requires that you tune in and listen up.  There may be a blessing in it for you.