Grown Apart

We received a text message on our cell phones. It read: The Gores are divorcing after 40 years of marriage. We had many questions: How do you give up a 40 year investment? How do you unravel two lives intertwined over 4 decades?


Think about all the silly quirks that you have come accustomed to and all the habits that comfort. These are things that we generally take for granted. The hum of her slight snoring is the rhythm that rocks him to sleep. Waking up to the smell of fresh brewed coffee. The way she remembers birthdays and anniversaries. His comforting arms in the midst of bad news. The efficient way she handles family business. The way he opens the blinds early in the morning to let the sun in. The way she folds the towels. His corny jokes. Her laughter as it fills the room. His side of the bed. The smell of her perfume. And then all of sudden…no more.

It’s over.

And why? The former Vice-President and his wife said they have “grown apart.” They use this euphemism to make it all seem as if its no big deal. This decision is “mutual.” Nothing earth-shattering. It’s just life.

On the contrary, divorce is devastating. There will be many casualties in the aftermath. God calls it treacherous. (Malachi2:15-16) It is an abomination. If we are realistic, we know that it is a big deal when someone cashes in 40 years. It’s not as “innocent” as portrayed. The wounds are deep.

The Gores contend that no one cheated. But they were both cheated. Somewhere along the line, they stopped cherishing each other. Other interests grabbed first place in their affections. They didn’t properly invest in the most important relationship in their lives. As a result, loyalty was lost. Unfaithfulness settled in. It is defined as being untrue to one’s commitment. It starts in the heart.

They say the decision was made carefully and with much consideration. We wonder why they didn’t choose to work on growing together? Reconnect. Get counseling. Work it out for better or for worse. After all the children, grandchildren, and all else that has resulted from this union, wouldn’t it be worth it?

What was supposed to be “unto death do us part” has become “until we’ve grown apart.” And many will follow in their footsteps. It’s sad.

We pray for the entire Gore family and all who this break-up affects.

We are just glad that God doesn’t divorce us when we grow apart from Him. He stands with His arms outstretched beckoning us back home. We love you, Lord.

Don't Say It

"We can just get a divorce!" Many couples lash out these words at each other at the slightest offense.  What a powerful declaration! We open our mouths and hearts to accept the thing that God says that He hates (Malachi 2:16).  We release these words into our relationships, into our homes.  For believers, it grieves the heart of God. 

My husband and I were talking about how powerful words are.  We underestimate them at times.  And we speak in haste and out of emotion.  Sometimes, we speak without thinking.  The Word of God tells us that life and death are in the power of our tongues.   We possess such amazing power to change our lives and destinies, through our words.  The Lord clearly warns us to be slow to speak.  We must handle words very carefully, because they are spirit.

In fact, the word "divorce" means dividing the power.  God has empowered a married couple as a dynamic team that can put 10,000 evil spirits to flight. And satan has devised a scheme to halt it.  He causes us to use our greatest weapon against ourselves - our tongues.  Divorce causes us to lose some of our power.  So why would we want to fling this word around so flippantly? 

My husband and I have made a pledge to not allow the spirit of divorce in our marriage.  We refuse to threaten each other with it, no matter how angry we get.  And that has changed the whole dynamic of our relationship.  It has increased our commitment and our love walk. 

I heard a preacher say that in some rural parts of Botswana, Africa, there is NO divorce, because they don't have a word for it.  That is so powerful.  Since there is no word for it, it doesn't exist.  It can't be called forth to destroy families. 

Let us eliminate the word "divorce" as an option or a threat.  Decide that it won't exist among your family. Agree together, that you won't speak it in your marriage. Your commitment will increase and your ability to problem solve will be greater, and your love life will evolve.  True love is patient and longsuffering.  It is not selfish or unkind.  It is unconditional.  It is a forever love.  It never ever fails. (I Corinthians 13).

When you are upset or in the heat of emotion, choose new life-giving words.  Be angry and sin not. In other words, don't say it!