Learn To Make Love By Torrona Tillman

As I searched for a definition and understanding of “relationship”, I discovered something much more comprehensive on my journey.  That one word has been ringing in my ear for over a year now.  At first, I simply thought it was concerning a fellowship that I began with a beautiful group of women, but have come to understand that it runs deeper than that.  Relationship can be defined as the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other.  That is truly a mouthful.  Looking at marriage and friendships in society in general, that definition can really make or break us.  Think about it - 'How I regard and behave towards my spouse'.   What a powerful life inducing thought!

When we really get committed to our marriage, we become protective of its very existence.  We defend it till death do us part… against all onslaughts and attacks.  What attacks could I possibly be speaking of concerning such a wonderful intimate union ordained by God Himself?  We must place up defense shields against hurt, offense, bitterness, un-forgiveness, anger, lust, jealousy from without, gossip with others about our marriage, unresolved issues, distrust because of past hurts, and the list continues. 

Understand that having a life-inducing relationship is not a given in a marriage, just because vows were exchanged on a sunny June day.  It is a terrible and sometimes life threatening assumption to believe 'relationship' in its life sustaining form is a given in every marriage.  We often believe that we are marriage material and marriage-ready just because we meet someone and 'fall in love'.  This is hardly true. 

When we marry, we really are just adrenaline and endorphin driven individuals operating 'under the influence'.  In that state of heart and mind, everything is peachy king and all is right with the world.  That is the place we usually roam around, prior to the vow exchange.  But as soon as the honeymoon ends, we start drinking black coffee (reality check).  We get snapped out of our high, and start asking questions like 'How did I get here? What am  I doing? Why did I marry you? Why didn't I see this? etc, etc.  Sound familiar?

Let us understand this one thing, that this IS NOT the time to end it all or run away.  It is actually the time for true relationship to begin.  It now becomes the life long journey to fall in love.  We must learn how to 'Make Love'. I am not referring to sexual love. I am referring to the love of the heart and soul.  Marriage is a lifetime covenant relationship that God instituted to glorify himself, enhance mankind, replenish His earth, perfect you in His image and 'bless you out of your socks!’  I know many people question whether their marriage was put together by God, so they feel they have a right to rip it apart and walk away and began again.  Let’s all agree to this one thing: marriage was God's idea and design, not man or woman's, but Father God.    Marriage is meant to be protected, defended, nourished, honored and cherished.   Anything less is murder by suicide.  Let us reject the enemy of our souls and societies whims and fads, and let us hold dear what Father holds dear.  Let us defend what Father God gave to us as a gift of life and love.  Let us not falter and fail, for fear of pain and disappointment, pride and prejudice.  Let us stand with open arms of grace, mercy, truth and unconditional love and respect.  Let Us Learn To 'Make Love'.

Valuing Marriage by Warren and Stacey Flowers

From the first day you're born, you enter into a relationship with someone. This multiplied by family, friends, acquaintances, peers, co-workers and of course boyfriends or girlfriends. These relationships are important because they shape, mold and build character. However none will impact your life more than marriage.

A marriage is what you make it. We have the power to build or break it. To value marriage one must first value God. It's important that we value our relationship with the Lord. In turn this overflows into our marriage. Marriage is not a man and a woman co-existing together with separate duties. It is actually a man and woman coming together in a union under and in God. Now I, Mr. Flowers have always been fascinated by words and playing on them. When I was young I saw the word "together" and thought "to-get-her". Thankfully I got older and thought "to-gather". I see the same word now and I think "two-gather". For me, this takes the phrase "two is better than one" and gives it clarity. 

We are not just partners or a couple. We have the same vision, mission, goals and desires. We are therefore a team. Unfortunately, we have not always performed as a team. There was a time when we both co-habitated and took on roles. I, Mrs. Flowers, was unemployed and I stayed home ensuring a warm, clean home. He went to work day after day, ensuring security and paying bills. But my husband would come home and watch Sports Center. I would go into another room and play the PS3. There was no relationship; nor communication between us. This is very unhealthy for a marriage.

To have a successful marriage you must invest time, communication and love. God must be first. He is the source and that relationship is most important. We learned to first invest in our relationship with God and value it with all of our hearts. Once we started doing that, it poured over into our value of one another. God is to be first, he makes all the difference. Marriage was and still is a gift from the Lord, to be accepted, respected, and never neglected. We encourage singles to look forward to it and married couples to continue enjoying and appreciating it. If you asked us "What's the value of marriage?" We'll answer, "Priceless."

Team Flowers