A lifetime
of love and commitment to one person is one of the greatest gifts that God has
given us. Although love is at the heart of marriage, it’s not enough. The
marriage needs other ingredients to make it grow and thrive. These ingredients are freedom, responsibility
and ownership. When two people are free
to disagree, they are free to love. If
people are not free, they live in fear and love dies.
My wife and
I have discovered that in our marriage there are boundaries (property lines)
that may be visible and there are some that are not. We had to learn self
control instead of trying to control the other person. We had to learn how to
communicate effectively, fight fairly and that we were not each other’s enemy.
From the
time we were married, it was a one way street for us. She was happily giving,
and I was happily taking. She would many times not speak to me about things
that she knew would upset me and that would cause her to feel resentment and
bitterness towards me. I would ignore her feelings every single time. I figured
if I ignored it, I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Over time this put a deep
wedge between us and we would not enjoy the beautiful gift the Lord had given
us. Instead we would simply co-exist. We found out 12 years later that this was
not healthy for our marriage.
We’ve
learned a few things and put them into practice since we attended our first
marriage class. We learned that it’s extremely important to pray for each other
and with each other. We need to set boundaries first with our spouse, then with
our children and finally with family members in order for a marriage to
survive. We now exercise our freedom to
speak what is on our mind but also have discernment on when to bring up issues.
We focus on the specific topic at hand and look to a unified solution but, there
are times when we agree to disagree – and that is ok. And when we need someone to guide us, we need
to have discernment on whom to share our personal issues with in order to avoid
receiving bad advice.
Our status
now is - we are a happier couple who maintain a sense of individuality, freedom
and personal integrity. We are setting a
good example for our children and society in general. We are a reflection of
God’s love in a marriage and are enjoying each other the way He intended us to. Now we know that a union is
not 50/50 but each one giving 100% every time.
Now, you may
be thinking to yourself, “It’s too late for me” or “He/she will never change.” Those are lies of the enemy and you should
not receive them! Remember Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) but
God’s mighty word says “What I have joined together let no man separate” (Mark
10:9). You may also think as we once
did, “our marriage is good, we are happy and hardly ever fight.” Our marriage
has gone from good to unbelievable! And it’s all Glory to God!
Do you want
to know how you can get started? Pray. First, talk to God - simply pour out your heart to Him. Then talk to your spouse and suggest
attending church together. Also, find a
group or class that supports and encourages a Godly marriage. It’s our belief
that every couple should have a mentor/counselor. There is no shame in that. We
all run into trouble every now and then and need the help of another Godly
couple.
Team Aguirre
~
