Loving Like There's No Tomorrow

She called screaming, she had found out that she had cancer.  She felt scared, angry, vulnerable and confused all at the same time.  What was this all about?  How did she get it? Was she being punished?  She had many questions that none of us could seem to answer.  She so wanted to live.

Her husband was also caught off guard.  How did a routine examination turn into something so terminal?  He put up a tough front but was dying on the inside.

Their marriage was…as she put it - fair.  It wasn’t really bad and it wasn’t really good.  It could be better.  Just a few months before the diagnosis, she was frustrated with him.  They seemed to take each other for granted.  They argued over little things. She was sarcastic and he was harsh. They didn’t agree on much.  She wasn’t submissive.  He was somewhat passive.  And neither had an urgency to change. But now there was an expiration date on their ever after.  The doctor gave her 6 months.

This intruder that ravaged her body helped to put things in perspective for them. Over the next several months, things begin to shift in their relationship.  Her husband took her to her doctor's and chemo appointments.  He prepared her meals.  He helped her bathe. He held her when she cried.  And prayed with her when she felt hopeless.  They changed the way they talked to each other.    All the things that used to hold so much weight – now meant nothing.  Money was no longer a challenge.  There were co-pays to meet. And meds to purchase.  She acquiesced to his leadership. They made plans with simplicity. Each kiss and touch meant something more than it ever did before. The closeness that the two shared was something out of a romance movie.

And 10 months later, she died.

He no longer held his strong composure.  He wept like a baby.   And although the parting of his spouse was painful and difficult, he shared with us that he had received a gift.  In his lifetime, he experienced “Holy Matrimony”.  This couple had adjusted their marriage in light of the fact that this world is temporal.  And because of that, they were able to experience God’s best in the last few months of their marriage.  He did not focus on the time lost, but on the time granted.

It is in every couple’s best interest to live like tomorrow is not promised.  We would forgive quicker, make better decisions, fight less, and love more. We really shouldn’t have to get a diagnosis to cause us to love our spouses with everything we’ve got. The reality is – if you never get a diagnosis, tomorrow is still not promised to you.  We should not take each other for granted. Every one of our steps are numbered.  Live in love with your spouse.  Love him or her like there’s no tomorrow!

Naked And Not Ashamed by John & Minnie Hardy

In marriage, we have the privilege of allowing God and our spouse to help us walk through the complicated seasons of our lives. We also get to enjoy our successes together. We are eager to share our triumphs, but it can be a lot harder to share our difficulties or even hopes and dreams.

One of the benefits of marriage is being able to be naked before your spouse–both physically and emotionally. God’s design for marriage is that we would be one–in mind, body and soul. Transparency is liberating and contagious. We have found that transparency with someone you love, invites transparency. We now realize that talking through our fears is like turning on the light in a dark room–the boogeyman seems to disappear.

It took a while for John and I to learn to trust each other with our inner-most fears–for John, it was dying young. John has sickle cell anemia and at the time we were married was not expected to live past his 20's. With that in mind, fear drove his choices and decisions early in our marriage– he was afraid that he might die before he ever really lived. I was also driven by fear–fear that my “happily ever after” life would never be realized. As a result, there were times that I was afraid to give myself fully to it.

We invite you to do as Jesus did in the Garden (Matt. 26:39). He was honest in His communication with God, but submitted to the plans and purpose of His destiny. We are advocates of professional counseling–do not be hesitant to seek pastoral or professional Christian counseling to help the communication process when necessary.

Prayer Focus: Lord, please help me to be open and transparent before you and my spouse. I submit my will to you for your purpose. I choose faith over fear and transparency over secrecy.