“Why won’t my husband talk to me?” This is a common complaint we hear from wives. A man’s silence makes his wife feel disconnected and distant. It hurts to the core. She yearns for his heart.
Unfortunately women don’t realize that most times, they are the ones responsible for why their husbands won’t speak up. Men respond to the attitudes and disposition of their wives. So usually if a husband clams up, it’s because he doesn’t trust his wife.
Why wouldn’t he trust her?
Certainly wives may love, appreciate, and honor their husbands. Regrettably, her initial response sets the tone for their relationship. When she responds negatively, he doesn’t want a repeat of her negative reaction. To avoid it, he steers away from those conversations that could ignite another unpleasant response.
When did this happen?
You may not even remember him peeking his head out of the shell. But he did. It was something small. It may have been about his job, his extended family or his ideas, he has attempted at some point to venture out of his cave and share his intimacies with you. The problem is that you did understand that your initial response would shape your marriage for the long haul. Adam hides. If Eve responds in a harsh way, then husband recedes back into his cave never to share with her again.
Sometimes, he didn’t even get that far. He withdrew based on her reaction to his everyday decisions.
What did I say?
If a wife belittles him, gets angry, yells, rolls her eyes, cries, or criticizes him, she has shut him down. Even if what he proposes is a little extreme, a wife should handle her husband’s heart delicately if she wants him to trust her. The Bible says about the virtuous woman that her husband does safely trust in her. She is wise enough not to ridicule even the most outrageous idea. She hears him all the way out. She prays for him. She is wise and harmless.
A husband wants support, encouragement and respect from his wife. If he does not feel like he is getting it, he will shut down. She will only get that which is surface. He will not allow her into the deep recesses of his soul.
When this happens, it blocks the two from becoming one.
What’s worse is if the wife has shared his confidence with others. This seals the nails in the coffin. It is a dangerous thing to break the trust in your relationship. When you share with your family, friends, or even his family and friends, it is harmful to the growth of your relationship.
The wise wife builds her husband. She encourages him. She celebrates him. And she protects him.
What do I do now?
If you have been guilty, repent to God and to your husband. Explain to him that you have a new understanding. Share how you realize that you have hindered the communication in your relationship. Let him know you want to start fresh. Ask him to trust you again. Most times, he will. It probably won’t happen right away. But when you aren’t watching, he will stick his neck out again. Proceed with caution. Be his best friend. Let him safely trust in you.
