I was talking to a young couple the other day. She wanted her husband to go all out for her
birthday and he just wasn't receiving her messages. Her birthday came and went. She was devastated.
It wasn't that he didn't acknowledge it. He did.
He just didn't do it in the way that she wanted. Her problem is actually quite common. Instead of telling her husband what she needed,
she sat back in romantic expectation waiting for him to figure it out. After all she had left an ample number of
clues. “Why do I have to tell him?” she
demanded. Contrary to what you believe, ladies, your message cannot be
delivered through osmosis.
I am asked the “Why doesn't He get it?” question quite
often. Many young wives have bought into
a unrealistic relationship approach delivered by our culture. This fantasy message is that the right
husband will automatically know what his wife needs. No instructions necessary. And if he doesn't then he probably doesn't
love her. But it’s so far from the truth.
The real answer is men are simply not women. Their masculine brains do not process things
in the same way we do. Often our signals are lost on them. This requirement for
him to figure it out is unreasonable. We
are expecting our husbands to act like women.
A man is a man is a man. He can
respond to femininity but he cannot be feminine.
It has nothing to do
with how much he loves. It is how he is
wired. The average husband really wants to please his wife. He yearns to do those things that put a smile
on her face. Ladies, we have to admit we are pretty complex beings. We don’t often know what it is that we want,
so how can he know? Last week we were on
a diet, but this week we want chocolate.
It can be tough being married to a woman. Hormones and feelings can make things pretty
complicated.
Let’s not lose out on really enjoying our marriages, let’s
not expect our husbands to process our feminine longings with their male brains. The best approach is to keep it simple. Tell your husband exactly what it is that you
want. There is no romance lost in
that. It doesn't matter whether it’s a hug, time alone, help with the chores, dinner
out, or a particular birthday gift. The
best approach is to sit down and have a conversation.
You have to appreciate that you have a man that WANTS to
please you. He WANTS to fulfill your
wildest dreams. Isn't that romantic enough?
This silly game of ‘guess what I want’ is a dangerous path
of disappointment. So let’s practice
those principles that make for a strong, healthy relationship. No more guessing games. Go ahead, tell him.
