Sunday, November 27, 2011

To Forgive or Not to Forgive? By Lynette Hayes

Forgiveness is a choice, we all want it, but how often do we extend it?

Marriage is probably the only relationship that requires "daily" forgiveness. It is the enemy’s job to point out every flaw in our spouse (Revelation 12:10). As we focus on our spouse’s flaws we develop discontentment towards them. As discontentment grows, unforgiveness settles in, and unforgiveness is a breeding ground for hopelessness. When hope is lost, the topic of divorce is inevitable.

3 tips for preventing unforgiveness:

1.) Understand your spouse is not perfect. When we truly understand our spouse is not perfect, their mistakes are easily pardoned or released from punishment. Romans 3:10 says There is none righteous, no, not one. All have fallen short and all have sinned (Romans3:22-25) . Keeping that in mind, your spouse will continue to make mistakes throughout the rest of their life. However, if they apply the Word of God they will overcome strongholds; but they will never be perfect.

2.) Recognize your own imperfections- Matthew 7:3-5 says and why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Focus on you, God does not glory in us concentrating on others more than ourselves. The Bible speaks directly to us as individuals regarding God’s expectations for us, therefore we are responsible for our own actions. Besides we have to stand before God and give an account for ourselves and not our spouse. If we spend more time strengthening and developing ourselves we have far less time to focus on our spouse’s errors.

3.) Prayer- Prayer is a POWERFUL tool! It is one of the most intimate ways to interact with God. Our lives are changed as a result of prayer. If you are like I used to be, prayer is usually a last resort. In the past, instead of being my first response, it followed worrying, accusing, belittling, and nagging. When you pray for your spouse’s sin issues and shortcomings, God gives you a level of compassion towards them. Prayer not only changes your spouse’s life, it changes yours. God always shows us ourselves when we petition Him on behalf of our spouse. I believe he does that to keep us humble and to help us realize that we, too, need Him. I am so glad that God’s mercy doesn't allow me to receive what I deserve and His grace gives me that which I do not earn!

FORGIVENESS IS A REQUIREMENT FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE. Often those who find it difficult to forgive themselves also find it hard to forgive others. Know that God has forgiven you and His love covers every mistake. Apply God’s word, Luke 6:36 says Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Make forgiveness a lifestyle it will transform your life as well as your marriage!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Marriage And Meatloaf by Charity Dean

I have only been married for 8 1/2 months. Since the day I said, “I do” to the man I love, I have learned so much about marriage. The most important thing I’ve learned thus far is that marriage is a lot like meatloaf.

If you were to Google “meatloaf”, you might find beautiful pictures of well browned creations oozing with the perfect blend of herbs and seasonings. You might find them well dressed on a beautiful platter. If you were to see a commercial advertising meatloaf, it would appear to be the perfect oval shape, with the perfect mixture of seasonings and ground beef. It may even be accompanied by parsley or perfect potatoes.

If you have never cooked meatloaf, you are in for the shock of your life, especially if your first creation looks more like disfigured tree bark, than meatloaf. You may be filled with disappointment and maybe even discouragment to find that the dinner entrée you prepared is nothing like the one on TV!!!

And so it is with marriage. There is an image that we, especially as newlyweds, have in our minds as to what makes a “good marriage”. We are far too spiritual and/or sophisticated to think we will have the “perfect” marriage. But we know what a “good” marriage looks like. We have seen them and that’s what we want. The reality is that most good marriages are like a good meatloaf. It doesn’t look perfect on the outside but the true test of its goodness is what has been put into it.

When I first got married, I wanted my husband and I to look the part. I wanted us to be together all the time. We had to dress alike and appear on the same page, at all times. I definitely hated when I went to church alone. Maybe he wasn’t feeling well or just wanted a day off. It would tear me up. “What would people think, if I was in church by myself?” I was more concerned about looking good than being good.

As we began to get to know each other, I realized that if I wanted us to truly be happy, I would have to get rid of my issue with appearances. God began to show me myself and it was not pretty. I had to ask myself, “Do I want him to just be with me at church or did I want him to have a genuine, relationship with God?” In order for him to truly experience the latter, I had to get out of the way and allow him to have his own relationship with God.

One thing I hate about making meatloaf is that you have to get your hands dirty. It’s not like washing off a chicken and seasoning it. Meatloaf requires a literal rolling up of the sleeves. It requires getting eggs and breadcrumbs and seasonings and COLD ketchup on your hands. You have to mix it all together with your bare hands. It’s pretty gross. But it’s necessary if you want a good meatloaf.

God showed me that it is the same for marriage. If I wanted a good marriage, I would have to roll my sleeves up and get to work. It would require being uncomfortable and getting dirty. For me, that would mean learning how to let God be in control. It would also mean that I would have to do housework (yikes!) and submit to my husband. I would have to always remember that God needs to be first in our marriage. He, like the egg in the meatloaf, would hold us together and keep us from falling apart.

I have never, ever cooked a meatloaf that looks like the ones on TV. I don’t think I ever will. My meatloaves are sometimes lopsided, sometimes flat, or sometimes just plain ugly. They sometimes fall apart even when I use 2 eggs to hold them together. But I have learned that it doesn’t matter. My husband loves my meatloaf; because what’s inside makes it a good meatloaf.

And so it is with my marriage, it doesn’t always look pretty on the outside. But my husband and I have committed to rolling up our sleeves and getting dirty; we are committed to keep God inside. And that my friends, makes it a good marriage!!